The Dancing Diversion
by devilbk
Summary: An AU tale. Our four young scientists are still friends. They just haven't met Penny. Yet. Howard and Bernadette are about to get married and Raj has arranged a bachelor party. Things take off from there. This is a Shenny story with some mature themes and language. Some occasional OOC behavior. Please note that the rating has been changed from T to M.
1. The Pre-Nuptial Postulate

**The Dancing Diversion**

_We are visiting an alternate universe, a universe in which much is the same as ours. Dr. Sheldon Cooper is still a brilliant but socially stunted physicist but not so stunted that he rejects the possibility of love. Leonard Hofstadter is still his put-upon colleague and less brilliant roommate who thinks with his penis. Raj Koothrapali is still a shy selectively mute astrophysicist. Howard Wolowitz is an engineer who has still managed to meet, woo and get engaged to Bernadette Rostenkowski, a petite microbiologist that he met while she was working her way through grad school as a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory. Amy Farrah Fowler is a girl who met Sheldon through an internet dating service and is convinced that they're destined to be together even if he's not really that interested in a romantic liaison with her. They are all friends. Howard and Bernadette's wedding is approaching. They just never met Penny. Until now. And Sheldon in love is an unknown quantity._

_Definitely Shenny. And Leonard is kind of a bastard. And Amy is cluelessly selfish. Zarneckies, those of you so deeply and dangerously invested in Lenny and Shamy that you bully those who envision an alternate reality, should probably skip this story and increase your meds._

_I delete anonymous reviews and reviews that don't allow me to respond to them. If you have a screen name but don't allow me to respond you'll get blocked. I write this stuff for fun. I don't know why the hell you're here. _

"_**It's not that I have anything at all against naked ladies dancing. I mean naked ladies dancing is great and all naked ladies should dance…a lot…"**_

**- Neil Gaiman**

_From his introduction to The Rhyme Maidens_

_An Evening with Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer_

**1 – The Pre-Nuptial Postulate**

_Thursday, November 1st_

Penny Queen pulled up to the club in her beat-up Golf Cabriolet. It was a Thursday night and she was covering for one of the other girls. She really didn't think that she'd be working there this long. It had been four years. The problem was that she couldn't find another job that paid her as well and she had bills. She had rent. She had tuition. She was close to getting her BA and she was seriously considering a Masters and maybe more. She was a lousy student back home in Nebraska. It wasn't that she was stupid. She was just distracted. Mainly by boys. Mainly by bad boys. And then Kurt, the baddest boy she had been distracted by convinced her to go to California with him. He told her that with her looks and talent she'd get jobs in the movies. It would just be a matter of time.

Well, time passed. Penny worked a lot of different jobs but could only occasionally land one acting. Kurt was content barely working, letting Penny pay most of the bills and deal with pretty much everything. And then one day he just up and left, taking only enough time to steal her television and her jewelry and clean out their joint bank account just before the rent was due. She called her friend Nora.

Nora Glass and Penny Queen met while Penny was taking a class at Pasadena City College. They hit it off immediately and were fast friends. For a little while they were a bit more than friends. Typically Penny's tastes ran to men, tall, muscular, dumb men. Nora, however, liked whoever she liked, male or female, and right off the bat she liked Penny. And Penny really liked Nora. They were kindred spirits. Their affair was a two-week experiment that ended when they both decided that their friendship was more important to them and Penny didn't want to confuse friendship and sex. They would still have an occasional romp when one of them was down or one of them was celebrating but they mostly saw themselves as each other's best friend.

"What am I gonna do? I have no money. There's no way I'll make enough in time to pay my rent or anything else."

"Penny, come work with me. It's not that bad. And the money is great. With your looks you'll clean up."

"I dunno Nora. What if my family finds out?"

"Whose gonna tell 'em? And besides, it's only temporary. As soon as you're back on your feet in a couple of months you'll get something else. And you'll still be able to take classes and go to auditions during the day. The manager is a sweetie. I can have you working by the weekend."

And one thing was true. The money was really good. Penny was able to get her car fixed and eventually move to a nicer apartment and pay for going to college full time. She discovered that she liked school. She liked it so much that in order to keep going she kept the job. She also discovered that, at least for now, she had no interest in men, especially when she saw how they acted where she worked. And she had other priorities.

Penny popped her head into the manager's office to say hi.

"Hi Jeff."

"Hi, Penny. Come on in. I have something to run by you."

"Okay."

"Listen, I have a private bachelor party tonight that you might like to work."

"Jeff, you know I don't do private parties. I dance. That's it."

"And that's all you'll do for this one. You remember that small geeky guy Howard, used to be a regular?"

"Yeah. Isn't he a college professor or something?"

"He works at CalTech. Anyway, he's actually getting married and his pals are throwing him a little party tonight. They're all college professors. I have a feeling most of them have never even been in a room with a girl, let alone a naked one."

"I dunno."

"Penny, you'll make three times what you'd make down here all night in a couple of hours and the most you might have to do is maybe a lap dance. And Barney will be there to make sure nobody gets handsy. And I'll make sure Nora works too."

"Can I think about it for a couple of minutes?"

"Sure."

Penny went back to the dressing room and found Nora there.

"Nora, Jeff offered me the bachelor party. What do you think?"

"Penny, it'll be fun. I kind of know these guys. I've seen them over at the comic shop. They're all super smart but they're nerds. I bet that for most of them it's the first time in a place like this. They'll probably be terrified."

"Jeff said I might have to do a lap dance."

"Penny, these guys won't be a problem. I promise. And really, think about the extra money. You'll make more than two months rent in one night. And we can probably do something together that'll really knock 'em for a loop."

_Meanwhile at 2311 North Los Robles, Apartment 4A_

"I refuse to attend."

"Dude they have a great buffet."

"Are you aware of the likelihood of infection from a buffet? Anyone can touch the food. People can sneeze or cough on the food. Women not wearing clothing come near the food."

"Then don't eat the food."

"Then what reason would there be to attend?"

"Sheldon, it's a non-optional social obligation."

"Then I have no choice."

Howard had discussed the situation with Bernadette. He told her that the guys expected it and he didn't want to disappoint them. He also promised her that it would be the very last time he would ever frequent such an establishment. After he actually got down on his knees and begged she allowed him to have his bachelor party at a strip club.

It wasn't just any strip club. It was Howard's favorite strip club. At least it was before he started dating Bernadette. She had changed him. Though he loved her and really did believe she had made him a better person, sometimes he missed his old self a little. He used to visit Manny's at least once a week and used to know all of the girls. Since he'd started dating Bernadette he could only get there about once a month. But he still got good service and they still treated him special.

When Raj suggested Manny's for his bachelor party Howard knew it would be special even though it would only be him and his three closest friends. Raj told the manager who the bachelor party was for and the manager promised that they would get the upstairs private party room and that the celebration would be memorable.

Manny's wasn't a dive. It was a small, classy strip club, if such a thing is possible. It was not a front for prostitution and Jeff the manager didn't tolerate drug use. The girls who worked there were typically college and grad students trying to earn enough money to pay for school. The girls were treated so well that they typically stayed until they graduated and often recommended working there to friends. It wasn't unusual for the girls to come back and visit after they left, sometimes even bringing their boyfriends and husbands. And it was in Pasadena, within walking distance of 2311 North Los Robles.


	2. The Celebratory Calamity

**2 – The Celebratory Calamity**

The four academics nervously entered Manny's. The doorman recognized Howard and immediately offered his congratulations and called the manager over.

"Howard, congratulations! I'm so happy you've decided to have your bachelor celebration here with us. I've picked some very special girls just for you. But first, I understand that one of you would like to inspect the kitchen before dinner."

Raj had given Jeff the manager a heads up on Sheldon's dining peculiarities. Jeff had been trying for a while to get people to visit Manny's for more than just the girls and while they did offer the typical strip club buffet they also had a full-service kitchen with a pretty good chef who had graduated from the Culinary Institute in New York.

Sheldon skeptically followed Jeff, careful not to touch anything. He was surprised to find the club appeared to be quite clean and not at all grungy or dank. When they arrived at the kitchen Sheldon was shocked. The entire kitchen staff wore gloves and hairnets and the kitchen was immaculate. Jeff introduced the chef, Weldon, to Sheldon and Sheldon quickly quizzed him on preparation techniques and proper cooking temperatures. When he was done Sheldon found that he would be perfectly willing to eat what Weldon prepared. In fact he was looking forward to it.

Jeff then escorted Sheldon upstairs to the private party room and he joined the others. They placed their dinner orders, Howard, Raj and Leonard all ordered steak. Sheldon requested a barbeque bacon cheeseburger with barbeque sauce, bacon and cheese all on the side. Though there was a bottle of champagne in a high hat by the table Sheldon requested lemonade.

They were having a pretty good time. Sheldon would have been satisfied with dinner as his entire evening out but then some music started playing and Howard, Raj and Leonard started getting excited.

The first girl to perform was introduced as Nancy. She was brunette and quite shapely. She was a good dancer. As the music played she teased the boys and interacted with them, periodically tossing them a piece of clothing as she removed it. Howard, Raj and Leonard were loving the performance. They clapped and hooted at Nancy. Sheldon felt a bit embarrassed at their immature behavior.

Ultimately Nancy stood before them completely naked. She took a bow and then moved off to the side, donning a short, sheer robe.

The music started again and the next girl was introduced as Pam. She was blonde and very beautiful. Her body type was similar to Nancy's but on Pam it just seemed right. Leonard leaned over to Howard and said "Dibs!" Howard responded, "Leonard, this isn't that kind of place." Leonard retorted, "I don't care. I'm having sex with her." Howard, Raj and Sheldon dismissed it as Leonard just being Leonard.

While Nora was a good dancer, Pam was amazing. It was like she was in another world. Her movements were ethereal. She didn't really interact with the boys at all and she seemed to discard her clothing in Nancy's direction. Sheldon couldn't take his eyes off of her. He also noticed a curious tattoo. Alarmingly he started to feel himself having a physical reaction. Embarrassed to be in public with an erection, especially in front of such a beautiful woman, Sheldon quickly excused himself. The other three didn't notice him leave.

When Pam finished she stood before the boys naked and triumphant and then went off to the side, put on a robe much like Nancy and just waited there.

The bouncer informed the boys that the girls would be taking a short break but would be back shortly. Leonard whispered something to him and handed him a wad of money.

Raj perked up.

"Hey, did you guys notice Sheldon left."

"Actually I'm surprised he lasted as long as he did. He's probably never seen a naked woman he wasn't related to before."

"Leonard, considering the traffic you bring through the apartment that would surprise me."

"Hey, I give him ample warning according to the Roommate Agreement. He either finds a reason to stay away or he keeps to his room until they leave."

"So what was all that with the bouncer."

"I just bought a lap dance with Pam."

Leonard had a big smile on his face.

The girls were in a dressing room on the side discussing what they were going to do next when Barney came in.

"Hey Penny. The guy with glasses bought a lap dance with you."

"Damn. I was kind hoping that wouldn't happen."

"Barney, how about if I do it instead."

"Sorry, Nora. He was real specific. He wants Pam and that means Penny."

"Okay. Right now or after our next thing."

"After the next thing."

"Nora, I've been pretty much avoiding these."

"Yeah, I know. Just look at it this way. It's an extra hundred bucks. He's not allowed to touch you. You get to wear a g-string. And Barney will be watching like a hawk."

"Okay."

Sheldon was walking around the block for the second time. He was still surprised at the reaction he'd had to "Pam." He debated going back into the club but decided against it. It was a nice night. He decided he'd wait for the others outside. He calculated it wouldn't be that much longer.

Meanwhile the music had started up again and "Pam" and "Nancy" came out fully dressed in super-hero costumes. Nancy was Wonder Woman and Pam was Supergirl They danced together and rubbed up against each other and each removed the others' clothing. The music was quite slow and so was the action. The boys were loving it. When they were completely naked they came over to the table and said hello to the boys. Penny took Leonard's hand and led him to a booth on the other end of the room. She told him to wait there for her. Barney then came over and told Leonard the rules. "Stay seated. Keep your hands to the side. No touching. No talking."

Leonard said fine. He was thinking that for the right amount anything was negotiable and, after all, he had called dibs.

Meanwhile, "Nancy", still naked, sat down with Howard and Raj. They were shocked when the first words out of her mouth were "So what did you think of the new issue of The Fox?"

Howard was shocked.

"Wait a second. We're sitting here with a beautiful woman and she's naked and she wants to talk about comic books? Have we died and gone to heaven?"

"Hey, geeks come in all shapes and sizes. This one just happens to be a naked woman."

"How did you know we were into comic books?"

"Well, I could say it's obvious, but I've kind of seen you at Stuart's comic shop."

"You buy comics?"

"Since I was a kid."

Meanwhile across the room the music had started and Penny came back out in her robe. She stood in front of a seated Leonard and started slowly removing the robe. When she was done she stood before him in nothing but a g-string. She ran her hands along his legs and then slowly turned around and sat on his lap. Penny could feel he was getting excited as she slowly ground against him. Barney was to Penny's left and she saw that he seemed to be momentarily distracted. While Barney was distracted Penny felt something in her lap. She looked down to see Leonard starting to slip his right hand under her g-string. Penny quickly stood up.

"Hey!"

Barney jumped up.

"What happened?"

"He tried to cop a feel!"

"I did not."

"You sure as hell did."

"Pam, I'm sorry. I didn't see it."

"Well, he's had all the lap dance he's getting from me."

"I paid for a lap dance and I want a lap dance."

"Sorry dude, if she says you touched her, you touched her."

"This place sucks."

Penny went over and joined Nora at the table. She seemed to be having a fun discussion with the two guys over there, well one of them. The other one was smiling but completely mute. Penny looked upset.

Howard looked concerned.

"What happened?"

"Your pal touched when he wasn't supposed to. And he was rude."

"I'll go talk to him."

"Thank you."

Howard walked over to Leonard.

"Dude, are you trying to get us thrown out of here."

"They aren't going to throw us out. We're paying customers. We can do whatever we want."

"Leonard, I told you before this isn't that kind of place. All the girls who work here are students, not hookers. The management doesn't allow that. Or drugs."

"That's just what they say."

"Leonard, this is my party and I've been a customer here for a long time. Please apologize to Pam."

"I've done nothing I need to apologize for. She wanted me to touch her."

"Did she say that?"

"I saw it in her eyes. She wants me."

"You're imagining things. Apologize or we're leaving."

"Fine. I'll say something to her."

Howard went back to the table. "Pam, Leonard has something he'd like to say to you."

Penny got up and walked over to Leonard.

"I understand you have something to say to me."

"I do. I paid for a lap dance but I'll call us all even for a blow job."

Penny slapped Leonard and ran out of the room crying.

Barney went over to Howard and Raj.

"I'm sorry dude but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. What your friend just did was completely out of line. You two and your tall, skinny friend are welcome to come back some other time. He's not."

"Great job, Leonard. You got us thrown out."

"We were done here anyway."

The three of them went downstairs. Howard and Leonard went outside. Raj went to Jeff to settle up.

"I'm extremely sorry for my friend's behavior. Please accept our apologies. Raj pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket."

"You already paid for everything up front."

"Please convey my apologies to Nancy and Pam. And please give this to them. This does not excuse my friend's actions but I wish to offer them my thanks and respect."

Raj gave Jeff ten one-hundred-dollar bills.

"I am trusting that this will go to Nancy and Pam and nobody else."

"I guarantee that they will get it. You are a true gentleman. Your friend could learn a thing or two from you. I look forward to you visiting us again."

"I'll be happy to. Good night."

Raj walked outside.

"So have you found Sheldon?"

"He probably walked home."

"So what was all that with the manager. I thought you paid for everything up front."

"I did. I left something for Pam and Nancy."

"Why. They didn't do anything that deserved more money. If anything the blonde owes me money."

"That's not how I see it, Leonard. And you owe me $500."

"You gave them $500."

"No, I gave them $1,000. $500 is your share."

"Yeah, well good luck collecting it."

The three of them started walking towards North Los Robles.


	3. The Reparatory Rendezvous

_A/N: This one's a bit short but there's a longer one coming really soon. BTW, The Big Bang Theory and its characters belong to others. Nora Glass is all mine._

**3 – The Reparatory Rendezvous**

Sheldon was on his tenth circuit around the block when he thought he heard someone crying in the alley behind the club. He nervously went over to see if he could help. He saw Pam, the blonde who had so entranced him, leaning against the wall holding her face in her hands, sobbing. She had changed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"May I be of assistance?"

Penny looked up alarmed. She recognized Sheldon from earlier. She thought he had gone home.

"I'm fine. Thank you."

"Tears falling from your tear ducts and your general demeanor tell me that is not the case. My mother taught me never to abandon a damsel in distress and Sheldon Lee Cooper will not do that now. May I invite you to join me for a hot beverage?"

"Actually, a cup of tea sounds good. Are you sure?"

"I have no other plans. And, it is non-optional."

"Well, I guess I'm done for the night. Let me run in and get my bag. Wait here."

Penny ran into the dressing room for her bag and ran into Nora.

"You okay, sweetie?"

"I will be."

"That guy was a jerk."

"Yeah."

"Thing is, his friends weren't. Here."

Nora handed Penny $500.

"Jeff already paid me."

"The quiet one left a tip. I got $500 bucks too. And an apology."

"The money's nice but it doesn't really make up for essentially being called a whore."

"No. It doesn't. Want to go get a drink?"

"Actually, I'm kind of doing something."

"Really?"

"Remember the tall cute one that left?"

"Yeah."

"He wants to buy me a cup of tea because I'm in distress. He says it's non-optional."

"Well, how can you resist an invitation like that?"

"I can't."

"Listen, you'll probably be okay but call me when you get home."

"I won't be out too late. I have to be home by one anyway."

"Okay. But call me."

"Good night, sweetie."


	4. The Coincidental Cohabitation

_A/N: A quick shout-out to SunnyCitrus10 who suggested something that made sense and was easy to insert and for some insight into Shenny._

_BTW, The Big Bang Theory and its characters belong to others. Nora Glass is all mine._

**4 – The Coincidental Cohabitation**

Penny went out to the alley to find Sheldon waiting.

"I should introduce myself. I'm Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper , B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D."

"That's a lot of letters. I'm Penny Queen. Glad to meet ya, Dr. Cooper."

They continued talking as they walked into an open coffee shop across the street and sat down in a booth.

"It's Sheldon. And I thought your name was Pam."

"Yeah, Jeff the manager doesn't want us to use our real names when we dance. It's a safety thing."

"That seems wise. You are quite a good dancer."

"I thought you didn't like it. I kinda noticed you leave."

"Actually I liked it quite a bit."

Sheldon turned red.

"Sheldon, did I get you a little excited down there?" Penny said teasingly.

"Penny, I am very uncomfortable speaking of such things, especially with a beautiful young woman that I've just met."

"Thank you. Sheldon, if you're uncomfortable with naked women why did you come to a strip club?"

"I was informed by my friends that attendance at a bachelor party was a non-optional social convention."

"That may be, but one of your friends, the one with glasses is a jerk."

"I'm not surprised. Leonard tends to let his penis do his thinking. When you started dancing he called dibs on you."

"That's disgusting and kind of juvenile. Manny's isn't that kind of place. We dance. That's all we do. Dance."

"And you are very good, as I said before. Do you make a good living dancing?"

"I do okay. It's kind of a means to an end. I've almost got my BA and I was just accepted into the Masters Program at UCLA."

"I'm impressed."

"Most of the girls at the club are going to school."

"What are you studying?"

"I'm a psychology major. I'm also an actress."

"An actress? Would I have seen you in anything?"

"Well, unless you saw a production of Ann Frank above a bowling alley that closed after one performance or you're an aficionado of hemorrhoids commercials, mostly I'm a failed actress. That's kind of why I'm in school."

"A wise course of action."

"Sheldon, are you making a judgment about my acting ability."

"Not at all. If your acting is as transcendent as your dancing the world will no doubt benefit from witnessing it."

"That's such a nice thing to say. Do you mean it?"

"Penny, I mean everything I say. May I ask you a question of a personal nature?"

"Um, I thought we were already being kind of personal but, go ahead."

"I noticed you have a tattoo."

"I have a couple."

"I'm curious as to why you would have a tattoo with the Chinese character for _soup_?"

"It doesn't say _soup_, it says _courage_."

"Now I would be the first to admit that my knowledge of Chinese is not expert, but I am certain it says _soup_."

Penny could see that there would be no winning this argument but she had this odd feeling that she'd like to continue arguing with him. She fought it off.

"Okay, enough about me. How about you?"

"I've a physicist at CalTech specializing in Em Theory, known more colloquially as string theory. I intend to prove it and thereby garner the Nobel Prize for Physics."

"So you're one of those beautiful mind genius guys?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Penny?"

"Yes?"

"What did Leonard say that upset you so, if I may ask?"

"I'm not sure I want to say."

"Penny, if you believe I will attempt to defend him please allow me to disabuse you of that thought. Though I at one time believed him to be my best friend, he has over the years done a number of things that harmed my credibility and my career."

"Then why do you consider him your friend?"

"Before I met him I was quite alone in the world. I had my work and my family in Texas and little else. Since he became my roommate I have gained a social circle of interesting people. I am grateful for that."

"That doesn't excuse him being a jerk."

"No, it does not. Please tell me. It will be just between us."

"Okay. Sheldon, do you know what a lap dance is?"

"I assume it is a dance one does while sitting on someone's lap."

"Basically yes. It is meant to sexually excite the person whose lap is being sat on. But there are rules. There's no touching allowed."

"That's understandable."

"Well, your friend Leonard paid for a lap dance and he insisted that it be me who did it."

"Considering what he said earlier I am not surprised."

"Sheldon, the person doing the lap dance is basically naked. In some places completely but at Manny's we wear g-strings."

"Alright."

"The other thing is that there's always a bouncer nearby in case the customer gets out of line."

"Sensible."

"Anyway, your friend noticed that Barney was momentarily distracted and he tried to touch me where he shouldn't, under my g-string. When I called him on it he denied it."

"Leonard is not fond of taking responsibility for his actions."

"Well, I walked away and told your friends what happened. One of them, Howard I think, went over to talk to him and then told me he wanted to apologize. When I went to speak to him he said I still owed him a lap dance but he'd call it even if I did a sexual thing to him."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand."

Penny started to tear up.

"He wanted me to give him a blow job."

"That is unacceptable! Penny, I am very sorry my friend upset you. And I'm sorry I've upset you by asking you to talk about it."

"Sheldon, it's okay. I mean, I know what I do for a living and I know that most guys assume that someone who does that has loose morals. It's just that I don't. And I don't like people assuming I'm something that I'm not."

"You shouldn't. I know it's not the same but I have been the victim of erroneous assumptions also. It is very disturbing. If you like I would be willing to make things very clear to Leonard."

"It's really not necessary, Sheldon. I mean, what's the likelihood that we ever see each other again? Jeff banned him from the club."

"Penny, I am loath to allow an injustice such as this to stand. But if you prefer, I will drop it."

"Actually, Sheldon, a good thing kind of came out of it."

"How so?"

"Well, if your friend hadn't been such a jerk I wouldn't have been drinking tea right now with such a sweet guy."

Sheldon turned beet red.

"I've enjoyed speaking with you also, Penny."

"It's getting kind of late. Can I give you a ride home?"

"It's not necessary. I live quite close by."

"So do I. The reason I drive is another safety thing. There are people who might follow me home if I walked and for lots of reasons I'd rather people didn't know where I live."

"That's quite understandable."

"But I insist on driving you home."

"If you insist."

Sheldon paid for their tea and Penny led him to her car. They got in.

"Sheldon, it may look like crap but I just had it serviced and it works fine."

Penny started the car.

"Penny, your "Check Engine" light is on."

"Sheldon, like I said, the car was just serviced. They tried to figure out why the light was on and they think it's because of a short in the light not because of the engine."

"Alright. I'll take you word for it."

"Now, where do you live?"

"2311 North Los Robles."

"No."

"Yes. I think I know where I live. I've lived there for over ten years."

"Sheldon, I live at 2311 North Los Robles."

"Where?"

"5A."

"I'm in 4A. You are very quiet."

"I have a lot of area rugs and I usually take off my shoes when I come in."

"Why have we never seen each other?"

"Maybe we just work completely different schedules. I usually get home pretty late and most of my classes are in the afternoon so I do homework in the morning."

"When do you do laundry?"

"Usually around 2 or three in the morning."

"I suspect we'll start running into each other now that we've met."

"I'd like that."

"Penny, there may be a problem."

"What?"

"Leonard is my roommate."

"Crap."

"Perhaps if things go as they have you will never see each other."

"I couldn't be that lucky. Oh, damn, I just remembered."

"What?"

"I was supposed to bring something home from the club to have for breakfast. I have no food in the house."

"We can shop now."

"I'm way too tired."

"Go out in the morning."

"I guess I will. After I finish a paper that's due Monday."

"One has to keep one's priorities in order."

Penny pulled into the parking lot by their building.

"Sheldon, please don't let Leonard know I live in the building. I don't want to have to move."

"Your secret is safe with me. Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon."

"Would you like to be friends?"

"I'd like that very much, Sheldon. I'd like that very much."

They walked upstairs silently and when they reached Apartment 4A Penny got up on her toes and gave Sheldon a little peck on the cheek. He turned red.

"Good night, sweetie," she whispered.

"Good night, Penny," Sheldon whispered back.

Penny proceeded up to the fifth floor. When Sheldon heard her door close behind her he opened his, hoping that Leonard was not awake. He was greeted by silence and quietly said "Thank you" to nobody in particular.


	5. The Reproductive Revelation

_A/N: With a tip of the hat to Risknight._

**5 – The Reproductive Revelation**

The next morning Penny got up bright and early to start working on her paper. Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw something roll under the couch. She got down on her knees to look when she thought she heard someone at her door. As she got closer to the door she thought she heard very quiet knocking. As she put her ear to the door she heard whispering.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

Penny opened the door.

"Sheldon!"

"Shhh. I don't want Leonard to hear," Sheldon whispered.

"Then come in," Penny whispered.

"Penny, you said you had no food so I brought breakfast; bagels, lox, cream cheese, muffins, orange juice and coffee."

"Sheldon, you didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to. And I must admit it was a bit selfish. I so enjoyed our conversation last night that I couldn't wait to see you again."

"You're so sweet. Let me put everything out so we can eat. I'll admit I'm pretty hungry. Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"I think a ball rolled under the couch. Can you please get it for me?"

"Of course."

Sheldon got down on his hands and knees and reached under the couch. Suddenly he felt something on his back.

"Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon."

"Do you have a pet?"

Penny looked over and smiled. She quickly grabbed her phone to take a picture.

"Kind of."

Sheldon pulled his arm out from under the couch and he had a big rubber ball in his hand. He tried to turn his head to see what manner of creature was on his back.

"Hwo. I'm Thindee. Who you?"

"Penny?"

"Sheldon, this is Cyndee, my daughter."

"Hello Cyndee. It's very nice to meet you. I'm Sheldon."

"Dun."

"Sheldon."

"Dun."

"Cyndee has kind of a problem with esses. She sort of spits when she says 'em and she doesn't like spitting so she doesn't say 'em."

"Ah, yes. The sybillant s."

"Unless you like being called Dun, do you have a nickname without any esses?"

"My Meemaw calls me Moonpie."

"That's so cute. Why does she do that?"

"She says it's because I'm _nummy nummy_."

"She's right you know. Is it okay if Cyndee calls you Moonpie?"

"I'd like that very much."

Cyndee climbed off Sheldon's back and stood in front of him.

"Cyndee, only one person in the whole world is allowed to call me Moonpie but I'm going to let you call me Moonpie too. Is that okay?"

Cyndee cried "Moopie" and gave Sheldon a big wet kiss on his forehead.

"Sheldon, you didn't tell me you were good with kids."

"Having not spent much time with children I wasn't aware that I was. Penny, I'm aware that we've only known each other a very short time but it seems to me you might have mentioned that you are a mother."

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I've kinda gotten used to not bringing it up when I first meet people. It scares a lot of them away."

"And you're raising her by yourself?"

"Mostly. But I have friends like Nora who help out a lot."

"Nora?"

"Oh right. She was calling herself Nancy last night."

"Oh."

By this time Penny had arranged the bagels, lox and cream cheese on a tray.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"I don't drink coffee. I would like some juice though."

"Juice it is."

"Penny, where's Cyndee's father?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

"I don't understand."

"I moved out here from Omaha with Kurt a few years ago. He convinced me that I'd make it as an actress. He was going to be a stuntmen. I thought we were in love. I got whatever jobs I could, mainly waitressing. When Kurt worked he was mainly a bouncer. But he was happy to let me do the working while he hung out at the beach and from what I hear pretty much fucked anyone who'd let him. One day he cleaned out our bank account, took my jewelry and my tv and split. Nora helped me out with a job at the club. A month later I found out I was pregnant. The people there were great. When I couldn't dance anymore I worked the bar. When I couldn't work the bar anymore I worked the register. Jeff even paid for my health insurance. Those people have been better family to Cyndee than Kurt could ever be. He doesn't know he has a kid and I don't see why I need to tell him."

"It can't be easy being a single mother."

Penny looked over at Sheldon. Cyndee had fallen asleep in his lap. He just kept talking and made sure she couldn't fall.

"Sheldon?"

"Yes."

"She usually isn't very good with guys. She really only knows two, Jeff and my father. My dad's in Omaha so she hardly ever sees him, and Jeff works all the time. And I hardly ever date. So I'm kind of surprised she's bonded with you so quickly."

"Perhaps she senses that we are kindred spirits?"

"I don't understand."

"Well, I see that Cyndee has lots of toys. Action figures especially."

"Yeah, everyone at the club is constantly getting her things or giving us stuff that their kids have grown out of."

"Well, you haven't seen my apartment and, because of who my roommate is, you might never, but Leonard and I have even more toys than she does."

"You're kidding."

"As I told you, I am still new to having a social life. I am quite used to living in a world of fantasy."

"So you're just a big kid."

"I suppose one could say that."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Nora just walked in. She took a look at Sheldon and grinned.

"So it looks like you had a good night, missy?"

Sheldon turned red.

"Moonpie, you're gonna have to stop getting embarrassed so easily. If you're going to be hanging out around here you might turn red permanently. And Nora, get your mind out of the gutter. Sheldon came over to visit this morning and brought us some food. Turns out he's my downstairs neighbor."

"Well, isn't that convenient?"

"Penny."

"Yes, Moonpie."

"Only Meemaw and Cyndee are allowed to call me Moonpie."

"Okay"

"Will someone please explain what the heck is going on here?"

"Okay, Nora, this is my neighbor Dr. Sheldon Cooper, beautiful mind guy. Sheldon, take over."

"Alright. Last night, after I watched you and Penny dance with no clothes on I decided to take a walk…"

"I got him excited."

"In any case, I walked around the block a few times and then discovered Penny in a state of distress."

"I kinda know most of this. Remember, I was there, naked."

Sheldon turned red again.

"Sheldon, considering what me and Penny do, if you turn red everytime nudity comes up you're going to be red a lot. I suggest you make peace with it. Or take your clothes off."

"Nora!"

"In any case, I offered Penny a hot beverage and she consented to join me. We had a very nice conversation and she offered to drive me home. At that point we discovered that we live at the same address but had never encountered each other. We parted late last night and since Penny mentioned she had no food in the house I decided to bring up some breakfast."

"And the munchkin sleeping in your lap?"

"That just happened. I'm as surprised as anyone."

"Okay, so a lot happened in a really short time."

"There's more."

"You're kidding."

"The asshole from last night?"

"Yeah."

"He's Sheldon's roommate."

"Can I go downstairs and castrate him?"

"At the moment I'm not prepared to live by myself."

"Hey, I'll move in with you. Of course you'd have to get used to me walking around naked."

"Penny?"

"Nora, stop teasing Sheldon."

"Listen, we've lived here a while without running into each other. Maybe our luck will hold and the jerk will never find out I'm here."

"Penny, the odds of that happening are minuscule. And there's another thing."

"There's another thing?"

"Yes. I am terrible with secrets. I don't like them. I don't like to keep them. We will need to accept the likelihood that Leonard will at some point find out that you and Cyndee live here."

"Can I castrate him then?"

"I believe we will have to play it by ear. Leonard has never expressed curiosity about our upstairs neighbors before now. Perhaps he never will. However, if he somehow discovers that a young single woman lives up here his penis will guide him."

"Once again, castration seems to be our only answer."

"I suggest we make that Plan C."

"What are plans A and B?"

"Anything else."

"I have another thought."

"Does it involve castration, Nora?"

"No. You said Leonard's weakness is single women?"

"Yes."

"Sheldon, you'll have to marry Penny."

"Nora!"

"Anyway, Penny. You know why I'm here."

"Yeah, it's the weekly headache."

"I do not understand."

"Okay, Sheldon. Balancing work, school and Cyndee's childcare involves a lot of people and there are a lot of moving parts. Somebody needs to be with Cyndee twenty-four hours a day. Luckily everyone at work loves her so there are a lot of volunteers. The problem is that most of them are just as busy as I am."

"I can help you."

"Thank you Sheldon. Really. But one more person isn't going to solve it."

"That's not what I meant. Give me everyone's schedules. I can create a master schedule. It is a simple math problem."

"But it's not math. It's people."

"Penny, I have two PhD's. I solve more difficult equations while I'm eating lunch. I will give you an email address. Ask everyone involved to submit their schedules to it. Tell them to also list the times they just do not wish to be available. There will be no judgment. No explanation will be demanded. Have them also include their phone numbers, smart phones preferred. I will create a database and an algorithm and ultimately an app that will upload to their phones. Reminders and confirmations will be included. Once I have the information I can probably have everything recorded and uploaded within a day or so. And once it's set up individuals can change their own schedules as necessary. The information will upload. Alternatives will be calculated. You will never need to think of it again."

"Sheldon, that would be a lifesaver. It usually takes us a whole day to figure it out and as soon as it gets written down it's wrong."

"When you understand the entire universe such things are simple."

"So essentially you are going to create a Penny app."

"Essentially yes."

"Sheldon, I could kiss you."

"You'll wake Cyndee."

"I'll risk it."

Penny came over to the couch, bent down and kissed Sheldon on the lips. At first he didn't react. Then he started to kiss back. Then Cyndee stirred awake.

"Mama! Moopie! Nora!"

Cyndee jumped out of Sheldon's lap and ran to Nora who picked her up and hugged her. Penny looked over at Sheldon. He looked as though someone had taken away his favorite toy. It was almost heartbreaking.

Nora was still hugging Cyndee when she started to speak.

"Y'know, if we don't have to do the schedule today and we don't have to work tonight…"

Penny caught on "D – I –S –N –E- Y –L – A – N – D?"

Sheldon joined in. "Anticipating necessary recovery time from last night's festivities I took a personal day. I have no plans. Let me ascertain whether we have a clear path out of the building. Everyone be quiet."

Sheldon took out his phone.

"Hello Leonard. I went out to do some errands. I'm about to come back and I was thinking of defragging my hard drives. Will you be available to help me?"

"Um, sorry buddy. I'm on my way out. And I'm probably going to stay over at Alex's tonight. So, maybe next time?"

"Thank you Leonard."

They could hear the door slam through the floor.

"Leonard is quite predictable. He is lazy and led by his penis. He will have no desire to aid me in a monotonous time-intensive task and it is Friday so he will have arranged for coitus tonight. His victim is apparently my assistant. I shall have to discuss her lack of judgment with her. So he is gone for the day and we need not fear returning and being discovered."

"Sheldon, I really don't know how long we can do this."

"Penny, we will do it until we can't and then we will think of something else. Please have faith in me. I am one of the smartest people in the world. That is not ego, it is fact. Leonard keeps his schedule in an iCal file. I can add it to the Penny app so you are able to easily avoid him. Since Leonard would only suspect something if he were to see any of those he met last night in the building we will have to take care. We won't need to worry if he sees Cyndee. I doubt he would ever make the connection."

Sheldon didn't know he was planting the seeds of his own doom. And Penny's.


	6. The Post-Disneyland Dalliance

**6 – The Post-Disneyland Dalliance**

After a long day Sheldon carried a sleeping Cyndee Queen in his arms up to her fifth floor apartment. Penny unlocked the door and guided him into Cyndee's bedroom. Sheldon placed her on the bed.

"Sheldon, can you wait out in the living room while I get her ready for bed? Penny whispered.

"Of course."

After a few minutes Penny came out and sat next to Sheldon.

"Sheldon, I had a wonderful day. Thank you for coming with us."

"Penny, I enjoyed myself more than I thought possible."

"Sheldon, I need to know, what do you want here, with me?"

"I don't understand."

"Since Cyndee came into my life I don't really date a lot. And I've made a couple of mistakes. She's the most important thing in my life and I won't have her hurt."

"I wouldn't dream of hurting her, or you, Penny."

"Sheldon, she's known you all of a day and she's already grown very attached to you. That attachment will only grow the more time you spend with her. If you intend to just stay long enough to get me into bed I'd prefer you left now and never saw her again."

"Penny, please don't confuse me with my roommate. My life does not revolve around coitus. Until twenty-four hours ago I was content to live my life much as it has been with my work, my few friends and my family. Since meeting you I've realized that there is an empty space within me that requires filling. I'm not certain, but I think I 'd like to find out if you and Cyndee can fill that space. If this causes you discomfort than I will of course leave and not bother you."

"Sheldon, I have an empty space too and I'd really like to find out if it's Sheldon-sized. But I want us to be careful. And I want both of us to be comfortable. And how Cyndee deals with it is critical. Are you okay with taking things slowly?"

"I'm not certain that there is another way for me to take them. I have never entered into a relationship like this. I would depend on you to guide me."

"You're a pretty smart guy. I think you'll be able to figure it out."

"So, does this mean we're dating?"

"I guess it does."

Penny leaned over and kissed Sheldon.

"Penny?"

"Yes, sweetie"

"What is your work schedule?"

"I work Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday from 8 till 2."

"If I were to come by the club near the end of your shift could I walk you home?"

"I think if a big strong man like you were with me I could adjust my rule about walking."

"Thank you."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Penny.

"If you come by the club when I'm working you'll see me dancing naked in front of other men. Are you okay with that?"

"As long as you walk home with _me_ I am."

"Sheldon, if you keep saying things like that I'm going to want you to stay over and I don't think we're ready for that. We should probably both go to bed. In our own beds."

"Alright. Good night, Penny."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes."

"It's customary to give your girlfriend a good night kiss."

"Well, I wouldn't want to flaunt custom."


	7. The Revelatory Application

**7 – The Revelatory Application**

The following Monday Sheldon walked over to Howard Wolowitz's office.

"Howard, I was wondering if I could enlist your assistance in a project?"

"Um, sure. What's up?"

"Let me preface my request by saying this enterprise is of a confidential nature."

"Okay?"

"I would prefer that my roommate learn nothing of it."

"That won't be a problem, Sheldon."

"In the past you have often taken Leonard's side in disputes between us. I need to be certain."

"Sheldon, after the way Leonard behaved at my bachelor party last week I did a lot of thinking. He's not a good friend. I don't think he's even a good person. I'm just a little sorry it cost me five hundred bucks to finally figure that out, but I did. And, by the way, I believe I owe you an apology that's a few years late being delivered."

"Excuse me?"

"The Arctic thing. I helped Leonard screw up your results."

"I'm aware. And I appreciate that you have finally said something. In that regard I blame you more for your judgment than your actions. Leonard carries the responsibility for that incident and he has never said more than a half-hearted, perfunctory "I'm sorry" and that was more because he didn't want to lose his home than any true remorse. And Howard, I don't understand. What $500?"

"After you left Leonard was incredibly rude to one of the girls, borderline abusive. He actually got us thrown out. Raj left the girls a thousand dollar tip as an apology. Leonard refused to pay his share so I split it with Raj."

"That's unacceptable. I'll reimburse you, of course. The celebration was in your honor. You should not have to pay for it."

"Sheldon, you weren't even there. You don't know what happened. Raj and I saw what Leonard did and I'm ashamed to say we didn't do anything to stop him."

"Howard, you are incorrect. I am well aware of Leonard's reprehensible actions."

"Did Raj tell you?"

"No."

"Well, I know Leonard didn't tell you."

"Penny told me about it."

"Who's Penny?"

"As you are no doubt aware, the girls at Manny's do not perform under their real names. Penny is "Pam."

"Okay, I'm confused."

"After I left the celebration I walked around the block a few times, intending to reconnect with you when you ultimately departed for the evening. I came upon Penny, um "Pam", sobbing in the alley following her encounter with Leonard. I took it upon myself to comfort her and we went across the street for a cup of tea."

"Sheldon, forgive me, but that behavior is very unlike you."

"I agree that it is atypical. However, my mother taught me that it was unseemly for a gentleman to ignore a damsel in distress therefore I could not leave "Pam" sobbing in an alley. In any case, I learned that her real name is Penny and she is a psychology major at UCLA soon to graduate. We conversed for a couple of hours."

"Sheldon, you don't talk to your closest friends for more than a few minutes."

"I admit that my behavior was quite unlike me. Howard, I understand that I've only known Penny for a few days but I feel a connection with her that I have never felt with anyone before except possibly with my Meemaw."

"Sheldon, I think you might be in love."

"I admit the possibility may exist. However I believe additional research and extensive fieldwork may be required. And there are complications."

"Her job? I can understand you being uncomfortable with her being a stripper."

"Surprisingly, I have no issue with that. When she presented her reasoning for accepting that particular line of employment it made a great deal of sense to me. It was both logical and reasonable. The complications are more geographical."

"Enlighten me."

"Penny and I were both surprised to discover that she actually lives in my building, in the apartment directly above mine."

"Well, that's convenient."

"Yes and no."

"Leonard."

"He has expressed interest and he has been rebuffed. You are aware of how he can be."

"Yeah. When Leonard sets his sights on a girl he's like a dog with a bone. If he discovers that Penny is nearby he will go after her."

"As he has, as a child would, called "dibs" on her, he already regards her as his property."

"Sheldon, there is a simple solution here. Throw him out."

"I am uncomfortable with that. We have a Roommate Agreement. He has done nothing yet that violates that agreement."

"Sheldon, I think you'd agree here that something you always believed would benefit you is now harming you."

"I've already reached that conclusion. In the meantime I would like to return to the subject of my visit."

"Okay?"

"Penny has a three-year-old daughter. Between being a full-time student and work Cyndee's childcare is a complicated endeavor. I offered to design an app to assist Penny with the scheduling."

"Sheldon, do you know how to do that?"

"Theoretically, yes. However, an app that I design may not be very user-friendly for the typical exotic dancer/college student. That is why I'm here. I would like to enlist your assistance to help create a more accessible app."

"You'll have it. But first, do you even like kids?"

"I haven't had very much experience with children, not since I was one myself. Based on my experience then I would conclude that I do not like them very much at all."

"I think I'm hearing a but there, buddy."

"Cyndee bonded with me almost immediately. She fell asleep in my lap. I let her call me Moonpie. Only my Meemaw calls me Moonpie. I enjoy her presence."

"Sheldon, I wish to revise my earlier statement. You are most definitely in love. With Penny and with her daughter."

"Help me, Howard. This is completely unexplored territory for me."

"I will absolutely help you. And it will be between you and me. I won't even tell Bernadette."

"You'd best not. Bernadette could inform Amy Farrah Fowler and she continues to believe that I should pair bond with her."

"I know. She talks about it all the time. Why do you encourage her?"

"I don't believe that I do. We have interesting discussions about our work but that's all. I feel no physical attraction to her whatever. I certainly do not envision a carnal relationship."

"But you do with Penny?"

"When we are apart all that I do is replay our encounters in my mind. And with an eidetic memory those are very detailed encounters."

"I think I get why you left my party."

"I was beginning to feel something even then, a physical attraction to Penny. Once we actually began to get to know one another…"

"Okay, back to the app."

"I've set up an email account and everyone concerned is submitting their schedules to it. I've asked that they be submitted by the end of the day today. They will also provide their contact information so that reminders can be set up."

"Good. I actually believe there may be existing apps I could tweak. I think we could have something ready to go in a couple of days or sooner."

"Additionally I thought we could add Leonard's iCal calendar to assist Penny in avoiding him."

"Sheldon, it's a good idea but a short-term solution at best. He's going to figure it out. He's a pretty smart guy."

"Just easily distracted."

"Not forever."

"I know."


	8. The Discomfort Dispensation

**8 – The Discomfort Dispensation**

When Sheldon returned to his office he found his assistant, Alex Jensen, sitting at her desk, a cup of coffee in her hand, staring into space.

"Alex, is there a problem?"

"Dr. Cooper, I think I've made a horrible mistake."

"Alex, I've regularly reviewed your work and I must disagree. Your work is exemplary and your calculations are not only correct, some of them are quite elegant."

Alex brightened. Her boss rarely complimented her work.

"Thank you, Dr. Cooper. But that's not really what I meant. I know you prefer that I not bring outside factors to work but I just need to speak to someone."

"Alex, this may not be an area that I'm comfortable with but I am discovering of late that the area outside my comfort zone can be quite interesting. May I endeavor to be your sounding board?"

"It's kind of about your friend, Dr. Hofstadter."

"I find myself discussing Dr. Hofstadter all too often lately."

"I don't know if you are aware that he and I have been seeing each other."

"If by "seeing each other" you mean having coitus, Leonard has been quite vocal about the matter."

Alex looked very embarrassed.

"He talks about what we do?"

"Dr. Hofstadter is quite like a child. He crows about every new accomplishment. I find it both tiresome and rude."

"Anyway, I thought he was a nice guy but lately he's been getting kind of creepy."

"How so?"

"Well, he's always been a little more about the sex than actually getting to know me as a person but I was sort of okay with that. I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship. Dr. Cooper, is it okay if I'm a little graphic in my explanation? I know that you're generally not comfortable with that."

"If it aids you in explaining the situation, please say whatever is necessary."

"Okay. After Mr. Wolowitz's bachelor party last week Leonard called me and asked if he could come over. I was a little surprised but I said okay. When he got there he seemed really angry and then he was really specific about what he wanted to do. He made me give him a lap dance and then satisfy him orally. Then he had really angry sex with me and left. He's done the exact same thing every night since. I told him this morning that I don't want to see him any more. He looked really angry. I'm scared, Dr. Cooper."

"There, there. As you seem to already have a hot beverage I won't offer you one, though that is really what the situation calls for. Have you any idea of what you would like me to do?"

"I don't know. I think I'd prefer not being around. At least for a little while. But I don't want to endanger my job or mess up my dissertation by leaving."

"Alex, something occurs to me that might work, at least temporarily. You hail from Iowa, correct?"

"Iowa City. My folks are still there."

"I have a colleague at the University of Iowa that I am periodically in touch with via email. He mentioned to me last week that his assistant had suddenly taken ill, leaving him in quite a state. The work that he is doing is related to your dissertation and tangentially related to what I am working on. You working with him for a short while might be helpful for both of us. Would you like me to arrange that?"

"Dr. Cooper, that would be amazing. But what would you do?"

"I got along without an assistant for quite a long time. I could hire another grad student to take care of day-to-day items and we could remain in touch via Skype to review more important matters. In many ways this would be a beneficial arrangement, except for Leonard."

"Dr. Cooper, I could kiss you."

"Alex, I would prefer you not. My heart seems to belong to another."

"Not that Dr. Fowler?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Then who?"

"Well, since we are apparently now sharing confidences, I've recently met someone and she has a child. I find myself quite enamored of both. We've only known each other a few days but I would like to send them a token of some kind. Perhaps you could give me some advice. Price is no object."

"Actually, Dr. Cooper, it should be. You don't want to get anything too expensive. That could be interpreted as unwanted pressure. The gift should be nice and should be a little personal to reflect that you've learned something about them but not very expensive."

"I did notice that she seems to have a number of stuffed animals."

"Dr. Cooper, if you were to send some flowers and a stuffed animal dressed as one of the superheroes you are fond of I believe that would impress her. I would be happy to arrange something."

"Alex, that is a wonderful suggestion. While you make those arrangements I will phone my colleague."

"Dr. Cooper, I'll need the young lady's name and address."

"Alex, I would appreciate it if you would call me Sheldon when we are in private. Dr. Cooper would only be necessary in public and only until you've received your doctorate. At that point we will be colleagues."

"Sheldon, that would really only be true if were to continue working together."

"Alex, I fully intend to recommend to Gabelhauser that you continue your employment here as a member of the faculty if that is something you desire."

"Dr. Cooper, I mean Sheldon, there is nothing I'd like more, as long as the problem with Dr. Hofstadter doesn't continue."

"Alex, let us contend with one problem at a time. However, I will say that it seems more and more necessary to me that Dr. Hofstadter be dealt with more permanently at some point. In the meantime, let me make that phone call to Iowa."

Sheldon went over to his desk, picked up his phone and dialed his colleague at the University of Iowa.

"Hello, Ernst? This is Sheldon Cooper."

"Yes. I'm aware we never speak."

"Yes. I do, in fact, recall why. However I called to let you know I may have a solution to your assistant difficulty."

"Yes, I am quite aware that helping my colleagues is not typical behavior for me. I am attempting to change my behavior paradigm."

"It surprises me as well. May I proceed?"

"Thank you. My assistant, Ms. Alex Jensen, a brilliant young theoretical physicist, has cause to temporarily relocate to Iowa City, where her parents reside. We do not wish to interrupt her studies but she does require employment while she is there. I believe her presence can resolve your temporary difficulty. Yes, I can have her telephone you shortly so that you can discuss the opportunity with her. Of course. One thing, Ernst, I want her back. I value her quite highly. Yes, I would very much appreciate you watching out for her while she is there. I am aware of Dr. Stabelman's reputation. We have one very much like him here. Yes, I am quite aware that he is my roommate. Thank you Ernst. I look forward to your next email."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Alex."

"Thank you for what you said."

"What I said is accurate."

"I've sent a couple of links to your computer for your friend. Can you take a look and let me know if I'm on the right track?"

Sheldon opened his email and then the links. The first showed a lovely bouquet of wildflowers. The second was a stuffed bear wearing a Flash t-shirt.

"Alex, those are perfect. Please send them to Ms. Penny Queen and Ms. Cyndee Queen. They reside at the same address as I do, but Apartment 5A."

"Well that's convenient. Did they just move in?"

"No they've apparently been there for a while. We just never met before last week."

"You should probably keep her away from Leonard."

"I intend to. Time for lunch. This will no doubt be tiresome. Alex, it probably would make sense for you to call Iowa now. I will inform Dr. Gabelhauser that I am granting you a leave."

"Thank you, Sheldon."


	9. The Effusive Accusation

**9 – The Effusive Accusation**

When Sheldon arrived at the cafeteria Raj and Howard were already there. Leonard arrived shortly after Sheldon.

"Sheldon, there's a problem we need to discuss."

"Yes, Leonard."

"You need to fire your assistant, Alex Jensen."

"Why should I do that, Leonard? Her work is quite adequate."

"She made a sexual advance to me. An unwanted sexual advance. If you don't deal with the situation I'll file a formal complaint. I'm sure you know how this will reflect on you and your work."

"I understand, Leonard. Rest assured I'll take care of the situation."

"I'm going back to my lab. I'm far too upset to eat."

Leonard left the cafeteria and Howard and Raj looked at Sheldon questioningly.

"What the frak was that? He's been schtupping Alex for weeks."

"Howard, Alex dumped him because he was scaring her. Leonard is attempting to save face."

"Sheldon, you're not really going to fire her are you?"

"I have absolutely no intention of terminating her employment, Raj. However, she, like me is concerned about what Leonard may do if she were to remain here. I have spoken to a colleague who will temporarily employ her elsewhere while we deal with the Hofstadter situation."

"I don't understand."

"Raj, over the years we have witnessed Leonard Hofstadter's behavior as an irresponsible scientist, a saboteur, a backbiting colleague, a selfish and whiny human being and a pig with women. We have just watched him attempt to derail someone's promising career because she refused him coitus. I can no longer stand idly by and accept it."

"Sheldon, what do you plan to do?"

"I don't yet know. But I would appreciate it if you would observe him a bit more closely and record what you see. Additionally try to remember those things he's done in the past and record them. We know for a fact that he will turn on any of us if it suits him. We will need to be prepared."

"I will. And thank you for not firing Alex."

Raj got up and left the cafeteria.

"By the way, Sheldon, I think I'll have that thing ready by the end of the day."

"I'll stop by later so you can show me."


	10. The Seppuku Strategem

**10 – The Seppuku Strategem**

"Howard, that looks like it will be adequate."

"Thanks, Sheldon. I need to do a bit of fine tuning but I can put a beta on your phone to show Penny."

"Thank you."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Howard."

"Raj and I discussed going to Gabelhauser and telling him about the Arctic to expose Leonard. We're willing to do it."

"I'm grateful for the thought but I really can't allow that. You would lose your positions as well. I believe that if we can gather additional information, if that is but one factor of many, that the punishment would be Leonard's alone."

"Okay. But if it comes down to it we are both willing to fall on a sword for the greater good."

"That's very honorable of you but let us hope it doesn't come to that."


	11. The Late-Night Link-Up

**11 – The Late-Night Link-Up**

As usual Howard and Bernadette, Raj and Amy joined Sheldon and Leonard at their apartment for Thai food on Monday night. The major subject of conversation was Howard and Bernadette's wedding the following weekend. The boys didn't share any details of the previous week's bachelor party and the girls likewise didn't share any details of the events Amy had arranged to take place over the previous two days. All Howard knew was that when Bernadette came home she spent an inordinate amount of time in the shower and kept muttering "Never again." When Sheldon mentioned that his assistant Alex was no longer at CalTech Leonard smiled.

Bernadette, Howard and Raj left early, leaving Amy to speak with Sheldon and Leonard.

"Sheldon, I presume you'll be getting a ride to the ceremony with Leonard as in my role as Maid of Honor I'll be preoccupied with preparations."

That afternoon Leonard invited a grad student named Janet to attend the wedding with him. He planned to take her to dinner on Thursday and to bed on Thursday and/or Friday.

"Sheldon shouldn't assume that I'll be traveling to the church from here. I might be staying at Janet's house on Friday night."

"I'm an adult. I am quite capable of making my own way to the ceremony and the reception. I've already checked the bus routes and the bus stops quite close. Now if you don't mind I have a great deal of work to do tomorrow and I'll be going to bed. Good night."

Amy Farrah Fowler looked surprised.

"Well, that was strange. Sheldon would normally assume that he was being transported. It's quite unusual for him to make separate arrangements."

"Well, I suggest we look at it as progress. Perhaps he'll be imposing on his friends less. I, for one, would appreciate that since I'm getting tired of being his personal car service."

"Leonard, you are aware that I would be more than happy to drive Sheldon around. It would give me the opportunity to cement our relationship."

"Amy, the sooner you take him off my hands the better."

"I'll work out a schedule and present it to him. Good night, Leonard."

"Good night, Amy."

Sheldon snuck out of his apartment at one in the morning. He had gone to bed early and slept for a good three hours before getting up. He walked to Manny's and greeted the manager, Jeff.

"Hello, Dr. Cooper. Penny said you might be by. Her final set begins in about fifteen minutes."

"Good evening, Jeff."

"May I speak with you for a moment?"

"Certainly. And please call me Sheldon."

"Okay. Sheldon, Penny means a great deal to me, to all of us. So does Cyndee."

"I'm sure that they do."

"Penny wasn't in a good place when she came to work here. She had been abused psychologically by her boyfriend for a long time. I've watched her grow into a much more confident person and a really good mother to Cyndee. What I want to say is please don't hurt them."

"I would never want to harm them. Though I've only known them for a short time they have both come to mean a great deal to me."

"Penny told me that you live with that jerk from the other night. Please keep him away from her."

"I intend to."

"Okay. So as long as you're good to Penny and Cyndee you're part of the family. You can come and go here as you please. The moment Penny tells me you did something bad or allowed something bad to happen…"

"I understand, Jeff."

"Okay. Go on in. There's a table up front reserved for you. Would you like anything to drink?"

"A lemonade would be nice."

Sheldon went in and sat down at a table with a placard that said "Moonpie." He was surprised that the club was crowded so late on a Monday night.

A moment later his drink arrived and he noticed that Nora delivered it and then sat down with him.

"I'm already done for the night. Mind if I join you, Sheldon?"

"Not at all, Nora."

"Penny should be on in a minute. She changed up her final bit just for you."

"Really?"

"Dude, she is really falling for you. Please be careful with her."

"I'm believe I may be falling for her too, Nora. I need to be careful for both of us. And Cyndee."

The lights suddenly went down and the music started. Sheldon recognized it as Prince's _Lemon Crush_ from the score of the first Tim Burton _Batman_ movie. Suddenly a spotlight came on showing Penny dressed as Batgirl. Nora looked over at Sheldon. He looked as though he was in a trance. For Sheldon the entire world disappeared and there was only he and Penny. Penny began removing her costume. The right glove. The left glove. Suddenly the bodice was gone in one quick move, leaving Penny in a black bat-shaped bra, sheer black panties, the cowl and the cape and the boots. Then one breast began to appear. Then the other and the bra was gone. Penny danced near the table Sheldon was at looked right at him, smiled and did the Batusi. She then turned around, flipped her tear-away panties over her shoulder and onto Sheldon's table, moved back to the center of the stage and turned around. She was completely naked except for the cowl and cape and the boots. She looked straight at Sheldon, blew him a kiss, and the lights went out.

"Sheldon."

"Sheldon."

"Sheldon"

"Oh, Nora. How long have you been there?"

"Dude, you've got it bad. Penny was a little worried that you might have a problem with all the hooting and hollering."

"What hooting and hollering?"

"Sheldon, the whole place just went crazy and you didn't even know that anyone else was here."

"Wasn't Penny incredible?"

"Sheldon, she's always good. But she was extra good tonight because she was dancing for someone special."

"Nora, I'm scared."

"So is Penny. I kinda think that's a good thing."

"How long do you think it'll be until Penny is ready to leave?"

"Not long. It's not like she has to change clothes or anything."

As if on cue Penny came out to join them. Sheldon stood up and Penny gave him a big hug and a kiss.

"Hi sweetie."

"Penny, you were incredible."

"Thank you! I just kind of worked that up today. I've been thinking of doing a Batgirl thing for a few days so I had the costume ready but it just kind of clicked today because I knew you'd be here."

"I loved it. And the music was perfect."

"Sheldon was definitely in the zone, Penny. It took me a couple of minutes to bring him out of it. He didn't even realize other people were here."

"Well, thanks for bringing him out of it, Nora. I'm not sure how I would have gotten comatose Sheldon home."

"Nora, before we leave I have a beta version of the Penny app on my phone. Would you like to take a look?"

"Sure"

Sheldon took out his phone and showed Penny and Nora the various functions of the app; the entry screen, the daily, weekly and monthly calendars, the reminders, the interactive text feature and the Leonard Locator."

"Sheldon, it looks wonderful. You did a great job."

"My friend Howard did most of the work. He's working out some of the bugs but we should be ready to launch sometime tomorrow."

"Please thank Howard for me."

"Okay, I'm gonna split. I'll see you at school tomorrow, Penny."

"Have a good night, Nora. Shall we go, Sheldon?"

"Alright. May I carry your bag?"

"Sure."

"May I hold your hand?"

"Certainly."

"Sheldon, for safety's sake we should look back periodically to be sure we're not being followed."

"That's understandable.

It was a cool early autumn night. They silently walked home, just enjoying each other's company. They walked up the stairs and when they got to the fourth floor Penny turned and kissed Sheldon good night. Penny then continued up to five. Sheldon heard a happy little squeal. His gift must have arrived. Then Penny unlocked, opened and closed her door. Sheldon the quietly unlocked his door and snuck back into his apartment and then to his room and closed the door. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He had a text.

**TY fr the flwrs & nu Flash bear.**

**English, Penny. Please tweet in English. ****Dr. ****Sheldon****Lee****Cooper****, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.**

**Moonpie, thank you for the wildflowers and the bear dressed like The Flash. That was very sweet. Good night.**

**You're welcome, Penny. And only my Meemaw and Cyndee can call me Moonpie. Good Night. ****Dr. ****Sheldon****Lee****Cooper****, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D. **


	12. The Dating Determination

**12 – The Dating Determination**

Howard finished his work on the Penny app the following afternoon. Sheldon called Penny to let her know. He intended to just leave a message since he knew she had classes on Tuesday so he was surprised when she picked up.

"Hi, sweetie. Thank you again for the flowers. And Cyndee loves her Flash bear."

"You're very welcome. Penny, the app is ready to go live and I wanted to let you know something. I noticed that there is a hole in the schedule on Sunday evenings."

"Yeah, Sunday night has always been tough to fill. I might have to stop working that night."

"Penny, I'm available on Sundays. Normally I review my previous week's work and plan for the upcoming week at that time but if you don't mind I would be willing to care for Cyndee."

"Oh, sweetie, I couldn't take you away from your work."

"I'm certain I could accomplish what I need to do once Cyndee has gone to sleep. I generally do it while watching television anyway."

"Well then you can just add yourself to the schedule. Thank you, Sheldon."

"You're welcome Penny."

"Penny?"

"It occurs to me that I am attending Howard and Bernadette's wedding on Saturday evening. I understand that you would be within your rights to assume that I would invite you to accompany me. I wanted to provide you an explanation as to why I have not."

"Sheldon, first, it never occurred to me as I barely know Howard and I don't know Bernadette at all. Second, I assume Leonard will be there and I'd rather not run into him yet. And third, Saturday night is my biggest earning night of the week. I'll be working."

"Alright. It's just that this situation between us is still very new and I want to avoid any missteps."

"Sweetie, we're dating. We are not joined at the hip. You are not required to include me in all of your plans. I am not required to include you in all of mine. Not only that but since you are now intimately aware of my schedule you should realize that we couldn't possibly be together all of the time even if we wanted to be. We just need to treasure the time we do have together and make it count. Okay?"

"Alright. It just seemed to me that when Leonard was dating someone he…"

"Sweetie, stop right there. Remember who you're using as an example and whether or not you really want to be emulating his behavior. We will figure out what works for _us_. It may take a little while. Remember, we haven't even been out on a real date yet. We have a lot of stuff to figure out."

"Penny, I'm a little confused. You just said we are dating and then you said we haven't been out on a date. I haven't got a lot of experience in this area but I'm fairly certain both things can't be true."

"Okay, Sheldon, you may be right. I may have put the cart before the horse here. Is there something you'd like to ask me?"

Sheldon thought for a moment.

"Sheldon?"

"Penny, would you like to go out with me on Thursday? On a date?"

"I'd love to. You should probably put something in the app for this week."

"I'll take care of it. Goodbye, Penny."

"Goodbye, sweetie."

Sheldon hung up and immediately called Howard.

"Hello, Sheldon. The Penny app is live."

"Thank you, Howard. Howard, I have a problem."

"Okay."

"I've just invited Penny out on a date and I have no idea what that entails."

"You've lived with Leonard Hofstadter for years yet have no idea what a date entails?"

"For Leonard a date involves dinner and drinking alcohol and coitus, or possibly dinner and a movie and drinking alcohol and coitus or possibly just coitus. And Penny advised me that emulating Leonard's behavior is probably not wise."

"Sheldon, you would be smart to listen to Penny here. I suggest taking Penny to a restaurant for a nice romantic dinner not followed by coitus unless she suggests it."

"I think since it is our first real date that I'd prefer leaving coitus off the menu entirely."

"Probably a good idea. I can recommend a couple of very nice restaurants. If you like I can even give you a ride to them later today so you can inspect them. But remember, I have a pretty busy week ahead of me so today is probably the only time I have available."

"Thank you, Howard. Can we meet at four?"

"That'll be fine."

Howard hung up and thought for a moment. He wondered about the last time before the past week Sheldon had come to him for advice. That would be never. The old Sheldon never came to Howard for advice. The old Sheldon didn't even respect Howard and constantly belittled him for only having a Master's Degree. What had changed him? Penny. He knew that it had only been a few days but it seemed that ever since Sheldon met Penny he had changed into a better version of himself. Howard decided that he liked the new Sheldon and would do whatever he could to keep him around.

Sheldon met Howard at 4:00pm and Howard drove to a small Italian restaurant just barely in Pasadena. It was dark and candlelit and Howard explained to Sheldon that Bernadette loved it and that they went there to celebrate special occasions. Howard had called ahead and explained to the _maitre de _that Sheldon was very particular about where he ate and that he would be bringing a young lady there that he cared for very deeply. The _maitre de_ agreed to let them inspect the kitchen. Sheldon was surprised to find Weldon, the chef from Manny's in the kitchen. Apparently Weldon only supervised the kitchen at Manny's as a favor to Jeff. They had been friends since they were children. _Trattoria de Pasadena_ was his own restaurant. Sheldon immediately felt comfortable. Sheldon told Weldon that he was bringing Penny there on Thursday for their first date and that he was nervous. Weldon assured Sheldon that he would be well taken care of. Sheldon made a reservation for Thursday at 8 and Howard dropped him off at home.


	13. The Alarming Alert

**13 – The Alarming Alert**

The Penny App went live on Tuesday evening. Sheldon kept a close eye on the schedule and set all the reminders to alert him as well as those for whom they were intended. He emailed all of those concerned and asked them to email him to confirm their arrival to take their shifts with Cyndee. As far as he could tell everything was working perfectly. Unfortunately there was a glitch in the program that nobody was aware of.

Leonard Hofstadter received the first strange alert on Wednesday afternoon. It was just a name "Leilah" and it came up at 1:oopm. He didn't think anything of it. At 6:00pm he received another alert, "Barb". Out of curiosity he pressed the alert and a calendar for the day came up. It seemed to be a schedule but it was filled with names he didn't recognize. There was also a red button that said LH. Leonard pressed it and it took him to his own iCal calendar. Leonard assumed that one of his grad students had linked to his calendar and for some reason it linked him to theirs. Leonard decided he would try to figure out who it was so he could tell them to sever the link. He went back to the original calendar and started looking for a name he could recognize. He kept paging through the days of the week until he reached Sunday. The person listed on the calendar for Sunday evening was named Sheldon. And that name was linked to another calendar. Leonard pressed the link. The iCal calendar for Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper came up. On Sheldon's calendar for Sunday night there was only the name "Cyndee." Leonard was curious. Could Sheldon be seeing someone named Cyndee? In all the years he had lived with Sheldon he had never dated anyone. Even his relationship with Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler could hardly be called dating. It could hardly be called a relationship. Leonard didn't know what it was. They Skyped regularly but all they spoke about was their work. They never socialized by themselves. They never went anywhere. Amy attended various meals at their apartment but that was primarily as Bernadette's friend. It was fairly clear to Leonard that Amy wanted a relationship with Sheldon but Sheldon was oblivious to that. Leonard's curiosity was piqued. He decided to keep an eye on Sheldon. Especially on Sunday night.


	14. The Momentary Dating Dysfunction

**14 – The Momentary Dating Dysfunction**

At Halo on Wednesday Sheldon informed Raj, Leonard and Howard that since the following day was Anything-Can-Happen Thursday and since Raj and Howard were involved in wedding-related activities and Leonard was going to dinner with his new girlfriend Janet he had made his own plans to stick around the apartment and work. This would dissuade Leonard from bringing Janet there. After Raj and Howard left Sheldon went to bed. Shortly after 1:00am Sheldon snuck out and walked over to Manny's. He waved hello to Jeff and walked to his table. A moment later his lemonade appeared and so did Nora.

"Hello, Nora. It's pleasant to see you."

"Hi Sheldon. Hey, kudos on the Penny App. It seems to be working fine."

"I'm very gratified with its functionality. I hope that Penny is happy."

"Dude, I don't think I've ever seen her happier. So, um, where are you taking her tomorrow? She's really looking forward to it."

"My friend Howard recommended _Trattoria de Pasadena. _We will be dining there."

"You know that's Weldon's place, right? I haven't been but I heard it's really nice."

"I ran into him there when I went to place my reservation. I have every confidence Penny will enjoy herself."

"Me too."

"Have you any idea what Penny will be doing tonight?"

"It's not anything new like the other night, but I think you'll enjoy it. Um, I have to go."

The lights went down and the theme from Buffy the Vampire Slayer started playing. When the lights came up Penny was standing there in something that looked a little like a school uniform, a white button down blouse and a plaid skirt. Suddenly Nora joined Penny onstage and bared fangs. So, was Penny a slayer or a victim? The two danced around each other, play fighting. It was quite athletic. However, with each play punch or parry a piece of clothing would disappear from either Penny or Nora until they were both nude. In the end it Sheldon couldn't tell which of them had the upper hand. And then the lights blacked out. This time Sheldon was a little more aware that there were others in the room and that they had enjoyed themselves. Jeff came over to him.

"The girls usually prefer not to come out after they dance. But they said it's okay for you to go back to the dressing room."

Sheldon got up and nervously went backstage. He knocked on the dressing room door. Penny was wearing a thin robe but Nora was dressed exactly as she was when she left the stage.

"Perhaps I should wait outside."

"C'mon, Sheldon. You've seen this before and you're my friend. If you walk out I'll feel insulted."

"Alright."

"Sheldon, I apologize for my exhibitionist friend. She's doing this just to embarrass you. Just ignore her."

"Penny, you're ruining all my fun."

Penny moved behind a screen to get dressed. Nora started dressing in front of Sheldon.

After a couple of minutes Penny came out fully dressed. Nora was still in her bra and panties.

"You see this, Sheldon? It usually takes Nora about 30 seconds to get dressed. Here she is still in her underwear and all she's trying to do is make you turn redder and redder. Don't let her win."

"Okay."

"Let's go home, Sheldon."

Penny and Sheldon left the club and started walking home.

"I'm looking forward to our date tomorrow Sheldon."

"As am I. Do you mind driving or shall I arrange for a cab?"

"It depends. Do you plan to get me drunk so you can have your way with me? If so, we'd better take a cab."

"Penny."

"I'm kidding. But I might have some wine with dinner so a cab still might be a good idea."

"I'll arrange for us to be picked up at 7:40pm. We have reservations for 8 at _Trattoria de Pasadena."_

"Ooh. That's a pretty classy place. I'll need to wear something really special."

Suddenly Sheldon was alarmed. He hadn't thought about what he would wear.

"Penny, I may not be able to go after all."

Penny was crestfallen.

"What's wrong Sheldon?"

"I hadn't considered what I would wear tomorrow evening. I may not have anything special."

"What are you wearing to the wedding?"

"I have a black suit I was planning to wear. My sister picked it out that last time she visited."

"Wear that. It should be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Sheldon, we are going out because we enjoy each other's company not because we enjoy each other's wardrobe. And anyway, I kind of have a feeling you mostly enjoy my lack of wardrobe."

"Penny!"

"I'm just kidding, sweetie. You're a funny kind of guy. I know I don't go out a lot. But when I do and the guy knows what I do for a living they usually make remarks that kind of embarrass me. With us, I'm the one making the remarks about what I do and it embarrasses you. I think it's kind of sweet."

"Penny, I'm uncomfortable with physicality of all kinds, even speaking about it. I don't understand why, but with you it doesn't seem to bother me that I've seen you naked."

"Am I that unremarkable?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, clothed or unclothed."

"Thank you."

"It's just that… Forgive me, this is very difficult for me…"

"Take your time, sweetie."

"It's just that I sense your inner beauty and it overwhelms me with a kind of warmth that makes me feel comfortable…no, safe with you. As though nothing can harm me as long as I'm with you."

"Oh sweetie."

Penny grabbed Sheldon and hugged him tighter than he'd ever been hugged. And he hugged her back. They proceeded to 2311 North Los Robles and went upstairs, kissed at the fourth floor and parted.


	15. The L-Word Lunacy

_**A/N: Folks, I have a question. Do you think I should change the rating for this story to M? It's currently rated T. There's some stuff coming up that some folks might find disturbing. Nothing graphic, mainly implied. I don't want to say what exactly it is because I'd rather not have a debate about it until it happens in the story. It's something I've internally debated since I began the story and it was always an element. It involves some possibly OOC behavior that will definitely make you hate a character even more than you already might. I'll be happy to respond more clearly in review-land. And now, back to our story and one of my favorite conversations.**_

**15 - The L-Word Lunacy**

Sheldon had a great deal of trouble keeping his mind on his work all day Thursday. Not only was he preoccupied with thinking about his date with Penny that night but he had received an invitation to the CalTech Winter Fundraising Formal that would take place midway between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He normally hated these affairs but he thought that this might be the perfect opportunity to "go public" with his relationship with Penny, if it was still going on at that point. He couldn't wait to gauge her feelings on the matter. Additionally he had received a request from the president of the university to deliver a couple of lectures in San Francisco the week before Thanksgiving. Though Sheldon didn't particularly like traveling or leaving home, he had always wanted to ride the cable cars in San Francisco. And the lectures he'd be giving had already been written for presentation at CalTech. He wished he could take Penny and Cyndee along but he doubted Penny would be able to free up her schedule. He left work early and took the bus home. He began to think that perhaps it might be time to seriously consider learning to drive.

Sheldon was dressed and ready to go by 6:00pm. He paced and looked at his watch and waited until 7:22pm to go upstairs and call for Penny.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

Nora opened the door. She'd be taking care of Cyndee.

"Hi, Sheldon. You're looking pretty sharp. Hey, if this doesn't work out with Penny, I'd be interested."

"Hello, Nora. I'll assume that you are once again teasing rather than actually seeking to undermine my potential relationship with your dear friend and co-worker."

"Assume away, sweetie. Penny should be ready in a minute."

"Moopie!"

Cyndee came over to Sheldon and signaled that she wanted to be picked up by raising both of her arms. Sheldon obliged.

"Sheldon would you like a bottle of water while you wait."

"Thank you, Nora, but no. My hands are quite full at the moment. How was your day, Cyndee?"

"Went to park and played wif birds."

"That's nice. What else?"

"Came home. Played dress up wif Aunt Nora."

"That must have been unusual for you Nora…getting dressed."

"Sheldon, is that sarcasm?"

"I suspect I'm learning from Penny."

"I'd prefer it if you'd learn some other things from me."

Penny entered the living room wearing a tight, bright red dress with a plunging neckline and no back. Sheldon was speechless.

"Would you like that water now, Sheldon?"

"Y…y…yes, please."

"I'll assume you like what I'm wearing, Sheldon."

"Very much. You look like a goddess."

"Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself."

Sheldon was dressing in a black suit and a gray button-down shirt, buttoned to the collar. He decided to forego a necktie.

"Shall we go, Penny? Our car will be downstairs any moment."

"Okay, sweetie. But you should probably put Cyndee down first."

Sheldon had completely forgotten that he was still holding Penny's daughter. Cyndee and Penny both giggled as he handed her over to Nora.

"Now don't rush home on my account. You kids say out as late as you like."

"Thank you Nora. We expect to be back at a reasonable hour."

Sheldon took Penny's hand as Nora closed the door behind them. They walked downstairs.

"No need to whisper. Leonard won't be home until late or possibly not at all. He's apparently made another conquest."

"Sheldon, you really don't respect your roommate very much, do you."

"I respect his potential. Leonard could be a brilliant physicist, not as brilliant as I, but still ahead of the pack. However he is a lazy researcher, preferring to prove or disprove the work of others rather than strike out on his own. He also prioritizes his sexual conquests over his science."

"Well, I would hope that you could prioritize me over your science tonight."

"Penny, I don't need to. I consider the entire universe and how it works at all times. You are a part of the universe and I therefore consider you."

"So you _are_ considering how I work."

"I admit that at the moment that is a mystery. But I intend to solve it."

"I believe that I'll enjoy your investigation."

When they reached the lobby Penny saw that Sheldon had booked a Town Car for them.

"I thought you were getting a taxi."

"Taxi's tend to be filthy and filled with germs. This company was recommended to me and I've used them before."

The car ride was less than fifteen minutes. When they arrived at _Trattoria de Pasadena _the _Maitre de_ greeted them warmly and led them to a table for two by the window. A moment later Weldon came out to greet them.

"Hello, Penny. Sheldon. Welcome to my ristorante."

"It's lovely."

"Thank you. If you don't mind, I've designed a meal just for you. I am preparing it personally. Just relax and enjoy yourselves and don't worry about a thing. This is a gift from Jeff and myself."

Sheldon was surprised. He was prepared to spend whatever was necessary. He wasn't quite sure how to accept the gift.

"Thank you, Weldon. Your gift is deeply appreciated."

After Weldon left Sheldon voiced his concern to Penny.

"Penny, I'm a bit confused. I invited you out but if Jeff and Weldon are paying for it I feel a bit, I guess, emasculated."

"Sweetie, please don't think about it that way. I wasn't expecting it but Jeff and Weldon do this kind of thing all the time. I know it's weird but they treat us all like we're family, especially those of us who've been around for a while. Trust me, they're not trying to make you look bad. It's more like welcoming you. If I was here with someone they didn't like or trust with me the treatment would be very different."

The sommelier came over with a bottle of wine.

"We've selected wines to go with each course of your dinner."

"Penny, I don't drink alcohol."

"Sheldon, will a little sip hurt? I'll make sure you behave."

"I guess a little sip won't hurt. As long as there's also water."

"I'm sure we'll both be fine."

"Penny, I know it's a little early in our first date to consider future engagements but I received an invitation today to an event that I would very much like you to accompany me to. In fact, I can't see going with anyone else."

"Go on."

"Each year CalTech has a formal fundraising event that takes place between Thanksgiving and Christmas, on December 16th. I would very appreciate it if you would accompany me."

"But Sheldon, everybody you work with will be there. Leonard, too. Are you sure?"

"Penny, we've been sneaking around for almost two weeks and though I treasure every minute I spend with you the secrecy is disturbing me. And telling some people but not everyone will require flow charts and calculations and the very thought of it gives me a tummy ache."

"I understand, sweetie. But why don't you just tell Leonard, then."

"Because I basically don't trust him. I believe that if he is faced with the situation in a public setting in front of his colleagues he would be forced to accept it whether he likes it or not."

"Sheldon, if that's how you prefer to handle it I'll go along. And actually, I'm not sure how much we'll be able to see each other between now and then anyway, at least to go out."

"Why, Penny?"

"Well, I'm taking Cyndee to visit her grandparents over Thanksgiving. To do that I'll be switching up a lot of shifts with the other girls. I'm going to be working almost every night up till the Tuesday before and a bunch of nights after to pay for the trip. Also, the new stuff I've been working up is really popular and Jeff asked me to do at least a couple of spots each night. The weeknight shifts don't make nearly as much as the weekends so I'll be working more nights when I get back too. And with the end of the semester coming I have lots of schoolwork to finish up.

"It seems as though we'll have a number of calendar-related problems coming up. This weekend is Howard and Bernadette's wedding. And I've been asked to go to San Francisco to deliver some lectures the week after next."

"That's wonderful."

"Actually it's a bit of an inconvenience but the University requested that I do it anyway so I shall."

"Don't you like sharing your big bulbous brain with others?"

"I prefer to share it with you alone."

"Will you still be able to walk me home each night and keep me safe from the horrible predators?"

"I believe so."

"Then we'll just have to make the little time we have count. Besides, this kind of thing always happens during the holidays. People always get so much busier. What are your plans?"

"Well, as I'm going to be with my family for Christmas as my mother insisted, I won't be joining them for Thanksgiving."

"What will you do?"

"Leonard usually attempts to cook something. But since his diet is severely limited and he additionally cannot cook it is quite horrible."

"Well, I think I can at least rescue you from that. Jeff and Weldon usually host a Thanksgiving dinner for everyone that has nowhere else to go or whose family lives too far away or who just can't afford it. It's usually pretty good and lots of fun and everybody keeps their clothes on. Since he apparently already sees you as part of the family I think you should plan to go. I know Nora will be there."

"That sounds very nice. Thank you. I'm really not sure I could stand another Hofstadter taste-free feast."

"So it looks like the Penny App will be working overtime for the next few weeks."

"Hopefully we won't run into any problems. Howard will be away with Bernadette until after Thanksgiving."

"What's our backup?"

"I am. My eidetic memory enables me to keep track of all the app does."

"So if anything happens to you we're screwed."

"I don't anticipate any problems."

As they were talking their meal had been arriving, first prosciutto rosettes and roasted pistachios, followed by spaghetti pan-fried with ramps and mint, and finally veal meatballs in red wine sauce. Each course was paired with its own wine. Penny had a full glass with each course. Sheldon was content with only a bit. Even so he could see how the taste of each fine complemented each course. The food was all very rich and Sheldon was quite unused to the myriad flavors and textures. "You okay, sweetie." "Yes, it's just that I'm realizing how limited my regular diet is. I draw great comfort from a regimented schedule and that includes my dietary selections. Perhaps I should consider being a bit more adventurous." "I kind think you're being adventurous with me. Or did you have someone like me as part of your diet before?" "This is all very new to me, you included. And I regret that I did not begin such explorations a long time ago." "Well maybe you were just waiting for the right person to explore with." "That must be it." "Are you ready for dessert?" "Penny, I'm not sure I could eat another thing." "Would you like to split a piece of cheesecake with me?" "All right." "When their cheesecake arrived Penny looked at Sheldon." "Wanna know a secret?" "Okay?" "Back when Kurt left me, before I spoke to Nora I was this close to taking a job at The Cheesecake Factory. I had filled out the application and everything." "I eat there every Tuesday. I very much enjoy the hamburgers. Before Bernadette received her doctorate she was our waitress. That is where Howard met her." "Imagine. In another universe that could have been you meeting me." "Then we would be getting married this weekend." "Sheldon, trust me I'm not rushing things, but I've never met anyone like you. We've only known each other a couple of weeks but I can already see spending my whole life with you." "Penny, I always imagined that I would spend a solitary life of study. And I would have been perfectly satisfied. But now I feel as though a life without you and Cyndee would be an empty one. I may very well l…" "Sheldon, don't say that. Not yet." "Why?" "I don't think either of us are really ready to use that word. I know I'm not. It's a pretty scary word. It carries a lot of stuff with it. I can certainly imagine us using it. And probably soon. But not yet. Please?" "I'm sorry?" "Don't be sorry. You didn't say anything wrong. And I don't want to be with anyone else. I just… Kurt used that word all the time and I believed him." "I'm not Kurt, Penny." "I know. And I'm not the stupid girl who was with Kurt anymore. I just…please?" "Alright." Penny sensed that she had just taken the air out of their date. They got up to leave and she got up on her toes and kissed Sheldon on the lips as deeply as she possibly could. At first he was surprised but after a couple of seconds he joined in. "Sheldon, I don't want you to be disappointed by what I said. I think we belong together and I'll do everything I can to make sure that happens. It's just that that word scares me. Not you. The word." "Penny, I, on the other hand, am terrified. I can't even explain how I'm feeling. I just know I've never felt it before."

"Me neither. But I'm really glad we'll be on this ride together." 


	16. The Reception Rejection

**16 – The Reception Rejection**

Saturday evening was Howard and Bernadette's wedding. Leonard never came home from his date the night before so Sheldon took the bus as planned. He saw a number of colleagues there. Leonard dragged his new girlfriend Janet everywhere attempting to show her off and bask in her beauty. Leonard was like that. He believed that others only valued him when they saw who he was having coitus with. That was why he gravitated to good-looking women. What those women saw in Leonard Sheldon had no idea. Perhaps that was why the relationships tended to be short. Perhaps they realized that there was nothing in Leonard that supported a long-term commitment.

At the reception Sheldon constantly found Amy Farrah Fowler at his side. He wasn't looking for her, it was just that whenever he turned, there she was. He was actually getting a little tired of it.

"Excuse me, Amy, but I am sure there are other guests here worthy of your attentions."

"I don't expect any of them will be receiving a Nobel Prize anytime soon."

"Well, if you don't plan on spending time with the other guests, I do. Goodbye, Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Sheldon?"

"Yes."

"I thought we were friends."

"We are. But I have other friends here as well. I wish to speak with Raj and, as you know, if you are present he will be unable to speak with me unless he is inebriated and I prefer we converse prior to his reaching that obnoxious state."

"Alright."

Crestfallen, Amy went off to join other members of the bridal party.

"Hello, Raj."

"Hello, Sheldon."

"Thank you."

"For what."

"I just employed you in a ruse to rid myself of Amy Farrah Fowler temporarily."

"I thought she was your friend."

"She is. However, I have begun to sense of late that she believes herself to be more than a friend and I do not share that opinion."

"Why, you seem quite compatible?"

"Raj, may I tell you a secret?"

"Of course."

"You cannot repeat this to anyone. Especially to Leonard."

"Leonard is kind of a douche."

"Agreed. But you promise not to repeat what I tell you?"

"I swear, Sheldon. I only have a job because of you. I will not betray your confidence."

"I am dating somebody else."

"You're kidding. Who? How long?"

"We have been keeping company for over two weeks."

"Who?"

"You swear?"

"Dammit, Sheldon."

"Do you remember Pam from the club?"

"Shut your ass!"

"Are you sure she isn't just taking advantage of you to buy her things?"

"Raj, thus far I have purchased for her a cup of tea, some bagels and lox, a bunch of wildflowers and a stuffed bear. I believe during the same period I have paid for your lunch twice and dinner once and loaned you the money to purchase the new expansion pack for Warriors of Ka'a. Are you taking advantage of me?"

"A little bit, but I get your point."

"She also has a little girl and we have bonded."

"Sheldon, are you in love?"

"I believe it's possible but Penny, she only uses Pam at the club, says that it is premature to use that word. She has had some rather unfortunate experiences."

"Dude, you can't let Leonard find out. He called dibs on her."

"Penny has led me to believe that is not a binding contract."

"It is to Leonard."

"To repeat your own statement, Leonard is a douche."

"In any case, you should be careful."

"We are."

"I won't say a word. Thank you for confiding in me."

"You're welcome, Raj. After all, you, unlike another, really are my friend. You were the one who told me about Leonard's perfidy in the Arctic."

"I'm still really sorry about that, dude."

"You are long since forgiven. I believe I will take my leave now. If I time this right I should still be able to walk Penny home from work."

"I'd offer you a ride but as the Best Man I'm kind of stuck here till the end."

"It's alright. I've memorized the bus schedule. Good night, Raj. Oh, one last question, have you made Thanksgiving plans?"

"Well, usually I go to Howard's but since they won't be back from their honeymoon until after Thanksgiving I thought I'd probably end up with you and Leonard, even though the food will be inedible."

"I may have a better option for you. I'll let you know during the week."

"Good night, Sheldon. And once again, thank you."

Sheldon looked around and when he was certain Amy Farrah Fowler was distracted, he quickly left."

When he arrived at Manny's Jeff greeted him.

"Hi Sheldon. I'm sorry, you missed Penny's last set. She's still here, though."

"I was otherwise engaged. I just wanted to get here in time to walk her home."

"Before you go back to the dressing room, I wanted to make sure you know that you're welcome to join us for Thanksgiving."

"Thank you, Jeff. I will gladly attend. May I bring a friend?"

"As long as it isn't the creep with the glasses, sure."

"No, definitely not him."

"Sheldon, I also wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"Well, Penny didn't work with all the super-hero and fantasy costumes before she met you. She told me that you kind of inspired it. Well, it's really popular. The other girls are starting to get into it and it's kind of making us stand out from all the other places like this."

"Jeff, from what Penny tells me there are no other places like this. She feels as though this is a family. A family often without clothing, but a family nonetheless."

"That's nice to hear. Anyway, I wanted to thank you."

"Jeff, Penny and Nora wore Wonder Woman and Supergirl costumes the first night I was here."

"They did that because your friend Raj asked me to arrange it. It would have been a one-off if nothing had happened between you and Penny."

"Alright. Have a good night, Jeff."

Sheldon walked back to the dressing room.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora and other naked dancers._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora and other naked dancers._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny and Nora and other naked dancers._

Penny came to the door. She was still wearing her robe.

"Sheldon, you're supposed to be at Howard's reception."

"It was winding down and I didn't want to be subjected to any further attentions by Amy Farrah Fowler."

"She's still chasing you, huh? Once we go public I'm going to have to have a word with her. I don't appreciate her putting the moves on my man."

"Am I your man?"

"Well, one of 'em."

"Penny?"

"Okay, the only one. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd walk you home."

"I figured you weren't coming so I drove. Can I give you a lift home? We can make out in the car."

"That would be acceptable."

"Okay. Why don't you talk to my naked slutty friend over there while I get dressed."

"Hello, Nora."

"Hi Sheldon. I can see from your coloring that you've apparently built up an immunity to naked me."

"Nora, at this point I've seen you naked far more often than clothed. If we are to be friends at all I would just have to accept the situation. So I have."

"Good for you."

"Nora, I understand that you will be at Jeff's Thanksgiving celebration. As I will also be in attendance I wished to ask you a couple of questions."

"I'll be wearing clothes."

"That was not one of the questions but thank you for informing me. I was considering inviting one of the other attendees from Howard's bachelor festivities to accompany me."

"Not the creep. Because he could end up getting carved along with the turkey."

"No, not Leonard. My friend Raj has nowhere to go except to join Leonard and I wish to rescue him from that fate."

"He was the quiet one, right? He's kind of cute."

"He suffers from a condition that makes it difficult for him to speak with women unless inebriated in which case he can be somewhat obnoxious."

"Well, as you know, I can be a bit obnoxious myself, sober or drunk, so I can make sure he's not too uncomfortable."

"Thank you, Nora. You're a good friend."

"Thank you, Sheldon. I like to think of you as a friend also."

Penny, dressed to leave, came over and joined Nora and Sheldon.

"Okay, I'm ready to go or do you guys want to make out for a while."

"Nah, I'm good. Take your boy toy home. See you tomorrow."

"Good night, Nora."

"Good night, Nora."

"What was all that about?"

"I'm considering inviting my friend Raj to join me here on Thanksgiving. Jeff and Nora have approved."

"But he might figure out what's going on with us."

"He doesn't need to. I told him and swore him to secrecy."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Howard and Raj are very close. I believe the only reason Howard has not yet said anything to him is because he's been otherwise distracted by his nuptials and by me and the Penny App. I also believe I need to cement both of them as allies for when Leonard finds out."

"Okay, as long as you think it's best."

"I do."

"Okay, so you wanna make out here or back at my place?"

"Both?"

"Both it is!


	17. The Sunday Subterfuge

_**A/N: Based on your advice, I'm changing the rating on this story from T to M. The reason I'm doing it won't come up for a few chapters. **_

**17 – The Sunday Subterfuge**

Sheldon spent a lot of time that week trying to determine exactly how he would occupy Cyndee on Sunday night. He knew that she would probably go to bed shortly after he arrived but what would he do until then. He was aware that traditionally one read to a child at bedtime. But what would he read? Certainly his academic tomes would be unappealing to Cyndee. And while he thought he could probably find some comic books that he could share with her he would probably have to spend a lot of time explaining the backstories to her and she likely wouldn't understand anyway. Then Sheldon started looking at children's books on Amazon. He happily discovered that a number of writers and artists he was familiar with through their work in comics had also become involved in producing books for children. He made a list of the books that might be appropriate for Cyndee and then went to a local bookstore and purchased all those that they had in stock and special ordered the remaining ones. He now felt prepared to face Cyndee.

_Sunday evening, 6:45pm_

"I'm going out Leonard"

"Where are you going, Sheldon?"

"Out, as I said. Are you having difficulty hearing, Leonard?"

"No, it's just a bit unusual for you to go out on a Sunday."

"Well, I am going for a walk and then possibly a movie. Not that you would, but I suggest you not wait up."

"Have a good night, Sheldon."

"Good night, Leonard."

Sheldon closed the door behind him. Leonard quickly grabbed his jacket, intending to follow him. He looked through the peephole, expecting to follow as soon as Sheldon had descended to the second floor. Leonard was quite surprised when instead of going downstairs he went up. "Sheldon doesn't know the upstairs neighbors," Leonard said to himself. A few minutes later Leonard heard something in the hall. He looked through the peephole to see a pretty, blonde-haired woman pass by. "She looks familiar," he thought.

Leonard thought for a moment about where he could have seen the woman before. He hadn't met her in the building. He would have remembered that. He kept thinking and finally it came to him.

"That's the bitch from the club!" he said out loud. "What the hell is she doing here? What was her name…Pam. Right, Pam. But who's Cyndee? Is that her roommate?" Were there two hot women living upstairs? And why was Sheldon being so selfish with them?"

Leonard decided to wait up to see what happened. For hours nothing. No Pam. No Sheldon. Then at about 2:30am he heard something and looked out to see Pam heading up the stairs. Leonard rushed to his room. About fifteen minutes later Sheldon snuck into the apartment. Leonard decided that the situation merited further investigation.

Leonard decided to stay home the next day and see what he could find out. He knocked on Sheldon's door at 7:00am.

"Sheldon, I'm a little under the weather so I'm calling in sick. You'll have to either get someone else to give you a ride to work or take the bus."

"Thank you, Leonard. Feel better." Sheldon said from his room.

Sheldon left for work. Leonard didn't really care how he got there. Leonard camped out in the living room and listened for activity from his upstairs neighbors. At about 11:00am his patience was rewarded when he heard the door upstairs close. He looked through the peephole to see "Pam" and a little girl coming down the stairs. Pam leaned over to the little girl and whispered "Cyndee, be very, very quiet. We don't want to wake anyone up." Unfortunately Penny's whisper was loud enough for Leonard to hear.

"So that's Cyndee. She's that Pam's kid. And the schedule must be for her childcare. And Sheldon is seeing Pam. Wait a minute. He can't do that. She's mine. I called dibs."

Leonard thought about what he should do. His roommate Sheldon was sneaking around because he obviously knew he was doing something wrong. Sheldon was seeing someone who, by rights, was Leonard's. Obviously that was why he was being so sneaky. Immediately Leonard knew what he needed to do. He was going to watch Sheldon closely to determine the extent of his relationship with Pam.

Leonard read on Sheldon's calendar that he was scheduled to see "Penny" at 1:00am Monday night. Sheldon had gone to bed shortly after dinner but Leonard listened to determine if Sheldon was up to something. At 1:00am exactly he heard Sheldon sneak out of his room, down the hall and livening room and quietly through the front door. Leonard rushed to the door to see if Sheldon went upstairs again. He didn't. He went down. Leonard grabbed his jacket and decided to follow him. Luckily Sheldon was tall so it was fairly easy to follow him from a block or so back. Leonard wasn't terribly surprised when he saw Sheldon enter Manny's. Unfortunately he couldn't follow him in. Leonard waited outside for almost an hour and saw most of the customers leave. Leonard was a bit surprised to see so many men were there on a weeknight. Fifteen minutes later Sheldon and "Pam" came out. Sheldon was wearing her large bag over his shoulder and holding her hand. They walked towards North Los Robles. Leonard had to keep ducking into the shadows because Sheldon periodically looked back, almost as though he was expecting to be followed. When they entered 2311 Leonard hung back and waited to start up the stairs until he was certain they were far enough ahead so that they wouldn't see or hear him. When he got to the landing between the third and fourth floors he quickly poked his head around and saw the two of them kiss. Sheldon then went into 4A and "Pam" continued up to her apartment. Leonard quickly and quietly unlocked his door hoping that Sheldon had gone directly to his room. He had. Leonard turned and checked the peephole to see a young woman he didn't recognize come down from the fifth floor and continue downstairs.

Following Sheldon's calendar, Leonard repeated his actions on Wednesday night. And so did Sheldon.

On Thursday morning Leonard felt he had collected enough information. He took out his cell and called his intended associate.

"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Amy, it's Leonard Hofstadter."

"Hello, Leonard. To what do I owe this phone call?"

"There's a problem with Sheldon. We need to meet."

"Alright. When are you available?"

"I'm available now."

"Unfortunately I'm involved with something at the moment. Would 1:00pm be acceptable?"

"Sure. I'll see you then."

"I'll leave your name at the door."

Leonard walked into Amy Farrah Fowler's lab at 1:00pm and closed the door behind him.

"What's wrong with Sheldon?"

"I believe he's being taken advantage of."

"By whom"

"I think it's a stripper he met at Howard's bachelor party."

"That's not possible. He would never associate with such a person."

"Well, he is and he's apparently moved her into our building. She lives right upstairs from us and she even has a kid."

"What evidence do you have?"

"I've been paying very close attention to Sheldon's activities. In fact, if you look at his public calendar you can see he's not even bothering to hide them very well. Wherever it says Penny or Cyndee he's with her. I'm not sure what her real name is. At the club they call her Pam."

Amy opened Sheldon's calendar. She saw the name Penny everywhere, and at very odd times, like 1:00am on Saturdays, Mondays and Wednesdays. And Sunday nights were devoted entirely to Cyndee.

"This is very upsetting. I need to speak with him. If Sheldon is going to date anyone it should be me."

"I know. But I'm not sure that speaking with him will do anything. Obviously he has already made her part of his routine. I think we need to stop _her _from seeing him."

"How do you propose we do that?"

"He has apparently become involved in scheduling her child care."

"How did you determine this?"

"Through observation. I have watched a number of different women go up to the fifth floor and come down from the fifth floor. Sometimes they have a child with them, sometimes not, but it is always the same child. And I believe that her name is Cyndee. And the time always appears on the calendar with a girl's name."

"It is my understanding that facilities that feature women who remove their clothing for remuneration are cesspools of iniquity. A person who works at such a place could not possibly be a fit parent."

"My thought exactly. If we were to threaten her custody we could convince her to leave Sheldon alone. Without his support she would likely leave."

"I'm not certain I could do such a thing. It seems rather mean."

"We're trying to protect out friend from danger."

"You're right of course, Leonard. Have you devised a plan?"

"I have. Unfortunately it may involve you going into that club."

"Why me? Why not you?"

"Unfortunately when Raj brought me to the club and I saw what was going on I caused a little scene. They won't let me back in. However my plan is fairly simple. I intend to create a situation whereby the child is brought to the club. We will photograph her there and tell this woman that unless she leaves Sheldon alone we will send the photograph to Child Protective Services."

"We wouldn't actually do that, would we Leonard?"

"Not unless we absolutely had to."

"Alright. Just let me know what I have to do and when I have to do it."

"I will. And Amy, don't tell anybody else any of this, especially Sheldon. This kind of thing could really embarrass him professionally."

"I wouldn't want that. You can depend upon my silence, Leonard."

Leonard didn't tell Amy that he had his own plans for Pam, or Penny or whatever her name was. First he needed to figure out how to get the little girl to the club. And he had a feeling that he knew just the way. And when to do it. Everything was aligning. Sheldon would be out of town from Wednesday through Friday next week. That would probably be the perfect time.


	18. The Absent Physicist

_The Big Bang Theory and its characters belong to others. Nora Glass is all mine._

**18 – The Absent Physicist**

Leonard did some research to determine whether what he wanted to do would work. He pretty much knew he shouldn't share what he was doing with Howard. The app had Howard's fingerprints all over it. Sheldon would never have designed anything so user-friendly. And that meant he couldn't say anything to Raj either. Anyway, ultimately it would be their own fault for linking to his iCal calendar.

Leonard made a copy of his iCal calendar and renamed it. For three days he made entries on both. Then, just after Sheldon left to take the train to San Francisco early Wednesday morning, Leonard planted a virus in his original calendar. He was pretty sure that by Thursday at the latest it would spread to all the app users through their daily updates and completely shut down the app.

Sheldon checked into his hotel room in San Francisco and inspected. It was unexpectedly clean. He had been prepared to spend a couple of hours scrubbing and disinfecting but now found himself free. He reviewed his schedule. There was a reception that evening followed by his first lecture on the Higgs Bosson Particle. It was an overview. The two lectures on Thursday would go into more depth. On Friday morning Sheldon would be speaking about his research in the Arctic. It had taken a long time but Sheldon had finally gleaned some worthwhile information from that misbegotten adventure, no thanks to his roommate. Friday afternoon would be the most distasteful part of the enterprise, a free-for-all question-and-answer session. Sheldon expected that each question would be more inane that he one before. Each labradoodle asking would be less interesting than the previous one and none of them would ever end up being colleagues of note.

He decided to give Penny a call.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Hello, Penny."

"How's San Francisco?"

"I haven't seen very much of it. But I hope to ride the cable cars tomorrow."

"That sounds like fun. What's up?"

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, sweetie. But you're back Saturday."

"But then you and Cyndee are off to Omaha three days later."

"You could always come along."

"I'm not comfortable with keeping so many secrets in front of your parents. I'm concerned I might say the wrong thing."

"You're probably right. It would be better if you met them when we can be more up front about things."

"Like your job?"

"Yeah, like that. Considering my brother the meth dealer and my sister who got knocked up and married at sixteen I'm almost respectable but, yeah, they'd have a problem with what I do. They'd insist I come home and raise Cyndee in Nebraska. That might end up happening anyway but I'd rather finish school first."

"I'd prefer you not leave at all."

"That's my preference too, but I'll have to do what's best for Cyndee."

"I understand."

"Sheldon, changing the subject, the Penny App is working really well. I'm doing a bunch of extra shifts so I can go home and I input the info and it juggled all the schedules and everything is covered."

"I'm gratified. When he returns from his honeymoon you'll hopefully have the opportunity to tell Howard how you feel."

The next morning everything started to fall apart.


	19. The Cyndee Conudrum

_The Big Bang Theory and its characters belong to others. Nora Glass is all mine._

**19 – The Cyndee Conudrum**

Leilah had Cyndee duty on Thursday while Penny had a pretty full day at school. Leilah started at 10 and was due to leave at 6. Not only was she dancing at the club but she also performed with a few different modern dance companies around the area. At noon she got a call from one of the choreographers she worked with about an audition at 4:00pm for another choreographer Leilah really wanted to work with. Since the Penny App had begun use, this kind of thing had come up for a number of the people on Cyndee duty. And each time someone needed to change their schedule at the last minute it had performed admirably. So Leilah input her change, that she'd have to leave at 3:00pm, and figured that someone else would show up at Penny's apartment to take over before then.

When Leonard saw the schedule change he chuckled. He was pretty sure that the App would stop working at any minute. He had taken another sick day from work and was camped out in the living room listening for activity upstairs and in the hallway. He called Amy Farrah Fowler and told her to be prepared to be at Manny's sometime between 3:00pm and 5:00pm. Amy worked about 10 minutes away from the club so notice could be pretty late.

At 1:00pm Penny started working with her study group and put her phone on vibrate in her bag. She wouldn't be done till 5:00pm.

At 2:00pm Sheldon started his afternoon presentation and turned his phone off. He wouldn't be available until 6:00pm.

Nora was working a day shift bartending at the club.

At 2:45 Leilah started getting worried that she had no idea who would be relieving her. She tried opening up the Penny App and it refused to start. She called Penny. Straight to voicemail. She called Sheldon. Straight to voicemail. She called Jeff at the club to see if anyone was available to come over to Penny's apartment. Jeff said there wasn't anyone. Everyone there was either dancing or about to dance, Nora was on the bar and Jeff was at the door and checking in orders. Leilah started to panic. The audition was really important. She made a decision, dressed Cyndee and headed out the door.

Leonard watched the two of them pass by through the peephole and called Amy Farrah Fowler.

"Yes Leonard."

"Go over to the club right now. They're on their way. I'll be outside."

"All right."

"Your phone camera is working?"

"I tested it this morning."

"Okay. I'll see you in a little while."

Amy entered Manny's about fifteen minutes later. Jeff thought nothing of the dowdy, mousy looking woman who nervously came in by herself. He knew that a segment of his clientele were lesbians and a small segment were lesbian comic book geeks. He assumed Amy was one of those.

Amy found a table near the back where she had a decent view of the entrance and the stage. She felt nervous sitting there by herself but noticed that the club was sparsely populated and that most of the other customers were also sitting alone. The dancer performing on stage was barely paying attention to the crowd, or lack of same, but was happily prancing about the stage in the remnants of a Catwoman costume that covered nothing.

Five minutes after she sat down Leonard texted her. **THEY'RE COMING IN NOW **Amy pulled out her phone and got ready. She heard voices.

"Leilah, you know you're never supposed to bring Cyndee here."

"I know but it's an emergency. I got a last minute audition and input all the info in the app and nobody showed up. When I checked the app wouldn't even open up. There must be something wrong with my phone. I tried calling Penny and Sheldon but nobody's picking up. I didn't know what else to do."

Jeff took out his phone and tried to open the app. He couldn't.

"Okay. Leave her with me. Hey, where did she go?"

Cyndee had wandered off in the direction of the music. Amy started snapping pictures as soon as she saw the little girl wander into the performance area of the club. Cyndee made a beeline for the stage and Amy was able to get a few photos of Cyndee with a very naked Catwoman in the frame. To be sure she got the shot Amy turned her flash on and took a couple more.

That was when Jeff noticed.

"Hey! No photographs!"

Amy quickly ran out of the club and saw Leonard across the street in his car. She got in the passenger side.

"Well?"

"I believe I succeeded in getting the appropriate pictures. I'll email them to you."

"Great. Thank you. And I'm certain Sheldon will also be grateful.


	20. The Kablooey Confusion

**20 – The Kablooey Confusion**

When Penny's study group finished she pulled out her phone and found a number of messages, most of them from Leilah.

Message 1:

"Penny, just wanted to let you know that I need to leave at three for an audition. I input the info in the app."

Message 2:

"Penny, it's 2:45 and I haven't heard from anybody."

Message 3:

"Penny, it's 3 and nobody showed up to relieve me. I tried to check the app but there must be something wrong with my phone because it won't open. I tried calling Sheldon but it went to voicemail."

Message 4:

"Penny, I'm sorry but I'm taking Cyndee to the club. I can't blow this audition off. I hope you understand."

Message 5:

"Penny, it's Jeff. Cyndee's at the club with me. She's in my office."

Penny rushed to her car. On her way she tried to open the Penny App with no success. She thought "First, I'll have to kill Sheldon. Then Howard."

Penny arrived at the club and saw Jeff.

"Where's Cyndee?"

"She's in my office with Nora."

"What the hell happened?"

"The app failed. I guess this kind of thing happens. But there might be another problem."

"Besides my three-year-old daughter being in a strip club?"

"Um, yeah. While Leilah was explaining what happened to me Cyndee got away."

"Kids wander Jeff. That's why you watch them."

"Anyway, she headed right for the stage and Crystal was finishing her Catwoman act."

"So?"

"Well, I went to get her and just before I could grab Cyndee I saw someone taking pictures."

"Who?"

"Some lesbian type. Never saw her before. Before I could grab her she ran out the front door."

"So now there are pictures of my three-year-old daughter and a naked stripper in a strip club somewhere. Just great."

Penny went back to the office to collect Cyndee. On her way she tried calling Sheldon but went right to voicemail. Penny left a message.

"Sheldon, if you value your life you'll call me right away."

Penny opened the door to the office to find Nora putting a blanket over a sleeping Cyndee.

"Nora, what the hell happened? She isn't ever supposed to be here."

"I know. I haven't got a clue. The funny thing is, how often are both you and Sheldon unreachable?"

"Not that often. I know he always picks up when I call except for a few minutes ago. But he's out of town."

Penny's cell rang. It was Sheldon.

"Penny, what's wrong? I just received your message. My phone was off while I delivered my lecture."

"Sheldon, the Penny App went kablooey."

"Penny, that's not an accurate technical term. Which function is problematic?"

"All of it Sheldon. It's not working at all. For anyone. And because of that Cyndee ended up at the last place I ever wanted her to be."

"Penny, I'll call you back in a moment. Let me see what I can determine."

Sheldon hung up and tried to open the Penny App with no success. Howard was still out of town. He called Penny back.

"Penny, I apologize. Apparently kablooey is the appropriate technical term."

"Sheldon, what do I do? I may have to take the next four days off because there's no schedule in place."

"Penny, I checked the schedule last night so I recall it exactly. We'll need to confirm that no changes have taken place in the meantime but I will email you the schedule up until your departure for Omaha in a few minutes. And I'll copy it to everyone on the schedule. I'll do it from my laptop in the event my phone is somehow compromised."

"Okay, Sheldon. But when you get back we'll need to talk."

"All right."

Sheldon was worried. And his worry just grew since he was stuck in San Francisco for another day and apparently in the middle of his first relationship crisis with Penny and he had no idea what to do.


	21. The Solitude Solution

**21 – The Solitude Solution**

After she got Cyndee home and in bed Penny picked up her cell and called her best friend.

"Nora, what am I supposed to do?"

"About what?"

"Me? Cyndee? Sheldon?"

"This is mostly about Sheldon, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, what's the problem?"

"I let him be part of my life."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It's supposed to be."

"And it isn't?"

"No, mostly it is but there's something that feels wrong."

"You aren't supposed to fall in love and enjoy yourself?"

"Can we not use the "L" word?

"Is that the problem?"

"Kind of. No. Yes. I let him become too important to us."

"That's kind of how it's supposed to work. Especially since I know how important you and Cyndee are to him."

"It's not supposed to be that way. I'm supposed to be independent and be all that Cyndee needs."

"C'mon sweetie. You know that isn't how it's been working. I'm not complaining for me or for anyone else. We all love you and that sweet little girl but c'mon, it takes a friggin' army to take care of her."

"I know. And maybe that's not such a good thing after all."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I think I've been depending on Sheldon too much. I've gotten along without more that an occasional fuck for a long time. It worked. Everyone was satisfied. Things were moving along quite nicely. Then Sheldon enters the picture and he takes over my child care…"

"You mean improved it and made it easier."

"Yeah, until it friggin' blew up and for the first time my three-year-old daughter ends up in a strip club with witnesses and maybe photographs."

"And if I ever see that bitch again she'll never take another picture."

"Still, if I hadn't let Sheldon into my life that wouldn't have happened. I have a lot of thinking to do."

"Sweetie, don't do anything rash. That guy is one of the sweetest men I've ever met. He loves you and Cyndee with all his heart."

"And maybe that just isn't how it's supposed to be."


	22. The Separation Anxiety

**22 – The Separation Anxiety**

That Friday must have been longer than the standard twenty-four hours. For Sheldon the day seemed like it would never end. He had been looking forward to finally discussing his Arctic research for years but Friday it became just another odious, monotonous task that stood in the way of his returning to Penny and Cyndee. He was easily able to deliver a two-hour lecture on the subject but his mind was elsewhere. During the afternoon question-and-answer session it seemed like the grad students were competing to ask him the most pedestrian and pedantic of questions. And they kept on coming. After the session ended Sheldon made a perfunctory appearance at the closing reception and then quickly got in a taxi to the airport. He wanted to get back to Pasadena as quickly as possible.

He arrived at 2311 North Los Robles at about midnight. He texted Penny to see if she was up.

**I'VE ARRIVED HOME. - ****Dr. ****Sheldon****Lee****Cooper****, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.**

**COME IN THE AM. 2 TIRED NOW.**

**ALRIGHT. SWEET DREAMS. - ****Dr. ****Sheldon****Lee****Cooper****, B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D.**

**U2**

Sheldon decided that this would not be an appropriate time to correct Penny's grammar and decided to go to bed.

Sheldon didn't sleep much that night. He woke up early the next morning and bought some bagels, lox, cream cheese and other supplies for breakfast and then went up to the fifth floor on knocked on Penny's door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

"Hi Sheldon. Come on in."

"Hello, Penny. I brought breakfast."

"Thanks, that was nice of you. Before we get to that, please sit down."

"Penny, I will determine what went wrong with the app."

"I'm sure you will Sheldon. But right now that's just part of the problem."

"What's the problem, Penny?"

"You. Me. Us."

"I don't understand."

"Sheldon, Cyndee is the most important thing in my life. You understand that, right?"

"Of course."

"Before I met you things were going along just fine. Yeah, we weren't all computerized but what we were doing was working. My home life and my work life were two physically different things that never crossed paths. Yeah, the same people were involved in both but my daughter never went where I worked and had no idea what I did. And I liked it that way and everyone I knew understood that Cyndee was never to be at the club. Never."

"I understand but…"

"Let me finish, Sheldon. We've only been doing what we've been doing for a few weeks and I've already ceded control of my child's care to you and my phone and what happens, my daughter ends up at the club?"

"That may have been an unfortunate decision…"

"Sheldon! It gets worse. Some woman took pictures of Cyndee at the club. I don't even know who she was. Do you know what would happen to me if those pictures got to Child Protective Services? They'd take Cyndee away from me. Do you want that?"

"No, but…"

"Sheldon, I know you care for me and for Cyndee. And I care for you. But for right now we need to go back to how I was doing things before. We'll follow your schedule until we leave. My parents have offered to take care of Cyndee for a couple of weeks while I straighten out her care and finish up the semester. I'm probably going to work a lot during that time. We have holiday parties and all sorts of celebrations scheduled."

"Penny, what are you saying? Do you not wish to see me any more?"

"I don't know. I have to think about a lot of stuff. I think I'd prefer it if you just gave me some space. I hope we'll be able to figure this out but right now I don't know. And I'm scared. I don't know where those pictures are. I don't know who took them. I didn't see the woman and Jeff barely saw her."

Sheldon stood up.

"Penny, I understand. I failed you and I apologize for that. I will give you whatever you request."

"Sheldon, I don't want to think that we're over. I really care for you. It's just that right now I'm confused and there's a lot going on."

"Penny, as I said, I will do whatever you want. I'm just inexperienced with these things. Are we breaking up? Are you dumping me? Are we to share hateful stares when we encounter each other?"

"Don't overthink it, Sheldon. Why don't you think of it as a break? We're still friends. We still care for each other. We just don't spend quite so much time together. And you should probably stop walking me home every night. We'll figure this out, I promise. It just might take a little time."

"Should I change my Thanksgiving plans?"

"No, you shouldn't. You still have friends at Manny's. You should still go. The only problem that we need to figure out is us and that's for us alone to figure out. I think this is just a speed bump and I hope we'll get past it."

"Will you still consider being my date to the fundraising gala?"

"Let's talk about that as the date gets closer. I'm not saying no. I'm just not saying yes… yet."

"All right. Then I'll leave you to your Saturday activities. Good day, Penny."

"Sheldon, please don't be upset with me."

"Never."

Sheldon walked out of Penny's apartment, went downstairs to his, walked in, past Leonard eating breakfast with some woman, into his bedroom, flopped down on his bed and began to cry.


	23. The Thanksgiving Tease

_The Big Bang Theory and its characters belong to others. Nora Glass is all mine._

**23 – The Thanksgiving Tease**

Sheldon didn't see Penny and Cyndee before they left for Omaha on Tuesday. He wanted to but between his schedule and Penny's they couldn't work out a time. Penny even canceled Sheldon's regular Sunday night with Cyndee and had Leilah watch her instead. Leilah was only too happy to have an opportunity to make up for her screw-up the previous Thursday.

Sheldon invited Raj to join him for Thanksgiving at Manny's. The two of them, for different reasons, nervously knocked on the club door. Someone Sheldon didn't recognize opened the door and Nora almost immediately spotted tem from across the room. She came over and gave Sheldon a hug.

"H, sweetie. Happy Thanksgiving. We need to talk."

"Hello, Nora. I believe you've met my friend Rajesh."

"I remember him but he might not remember me with my clothes on."

Raj turned scarlet.

"Nora, you recall I explained Raj's difficulty in speaking with women."

"And why do you think I have this beer in my hand. And a virgin _cuba libre_ in the other?"

After taking a swig of beer Raj responded.

"Thank you very much, Nora. Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali, at your service."

"Thank you, Raj. Listen, I need to speak with Sheldon for a minute. Why don't you go over there and speak to Leilah. I mentioned you to her and she'd very much like to meet you."

"Thank you, Nora. This is a very friendly place."

Raj wandered over to Leilah who looked over to Nora questioningly and Nora signaled to her to keep Raj busy.

"How are you doing, Sheldon?"

"Not very well. I'm trying to respect Penny's wishes but it, um, it hurts, Nora."

"I know, sweetie. I really hope things will work out for you two."

"Nora, I don't understand what Penny is doing. I would think that if she feels uncertain about things that she would seek her friends' support, not isolate herself from them."

"Sheldon, you have to understand, she's scared. Of a lot of things. She's scared that maybe she's not a good mother. She's scared that they're going to take Cyndee away from her. And she's really scared of you and what you represent."

"Aside from my intelligence, why would anyone be scared of me?"

"The last person Penny depended on for anything was Kurt, Cyndee's father. They were together for years and she was sure that he was the one for her. When he just up and left she decided she'd never trust or depend on anyone like that again. And she hasn't. Until now she hasn't wanted to."

"And then I showed up."

"Yup, and even though she won't use the word, I know that she's fallen in love with you and that scares the hell out of her. It might take a little while but I'm pretty sure she'll come around. Just don't push. You could end up pushing her away."

"That's easier said than done. We live in such close proximity."

"You're going to run into each other. Accept that. You don't have to ignore her. Say hello. Ask her about her day. You aren't angry at each other. She's just trying to figure something out and she needs to do it in her own way. And it's probably best if she isn't always seeing you over on the side waiting for her to make a decision."

"So I should stay away from the club?"

"Probably not a bad idea. If you need to talk to someone, call me. Your friends probably aren't equipped to have this discussion. You have my number. You can call me whenever. I don't think this will take forever. Just be patient. And if you need a little action in the meantime…"

"Nora!"

"Good. It's nice to know I can turn you that brilliant shade of red even when I'm wearing clothes. Let's rejoin the party."

Nora and Sheldon joined Leilah and Raj. Raj was about to start his second beer when Nora suggested he pace himself. After all, she suggested, he didn't want to end up like his friend with the glasses, banned from Manny's forever. Raj looked around and concluded that it was unlikely that he'd ever find another place with such beautiful women this side of heaven so he decided to drink just enough to be able to converse and no more. At the end of the evening Nora wasn't too surprised to see Raj and Leilah leave together.

Nora, however, pretty much attached herself to Sheldon. She really did like the guy. As a friend. And as her best friend's boyfriend. She wouldn't mind having a bit of fun with him but she knew that he was incapable of betraying Penny. She figured that even if Penny decided to end their relationship, Sheldon would likely still be loyal to her until the day he died.

Thanksgiving at Manny's was a joyous affair. It was mainly staff and a very few select customers and friends and their kids. Everyone was very friendly, and not because they were trolling for a tip. Sheldon relaxed and had a good time. Dinner was delicious. Afterwards Jeff and Weldon came over to speak to him.

"Sheldon, we want you to know that we're both pulling for you."

"I don't understand."

"This is a small place, Sheldon. Like it or not we know each other's business. We all know that you and Penny are having a bit of a rough time. I just want you to know that I've known Penny for four years and that you are without a doubt the second best thing to happen to her in that whole time."

"Cyndee being the best."

"Of course. Just hang in there and don't push."

"Nora offered the same advice."

"Great minds think alike."

"As I had reached a similar conclusion on my own, I am forced to agree pending IQ tests."

"So it's probably best if you don't come around the club for a while. Please don't take it personally. It's mainly because Penny will probably be working a lot and you need to give her whatever space she needs. If there's a night she isn't working I'll let you know in case you'd like to stop by. Is that okay?"

"That would be acceptable, Jeff. However, since I primarily come to Manny's to see Penny dance, I don't envision coming when I am certain I will not see her."

"I understand. Just understand that you are sort of always welcome."

"Except when the woman I love is here."

Meanwhile, Leonard Hofstadter was sitting at 2311 North Los Robles seething over a quickly cooling, flavorless feast he had spent almost an hour preparing. He had assumed that Sheldon and Raj had nowhere else to go. Apparently he was wrong. While he sat around waiting he took out his phone and looked at the photos Amy Farrah Fowler had sent him. They were perfect and he'd be able to use them to get exactly what he wanted. From watching Sheldon at home and at work Leonard was able to conclude that things were not good between him and Penny. He looked miserable. Sheldon went to work, ate lunch in the cafeteria alone, returned home and went to bed. Leonard listened and he knew there had been no sneaking out to walk Penny home from work before she departed for Omaha. When she returned, Leonard would put the next phase of his plan into action.


	24. The Hofstadter Deviation

**24 – The Hofstadter Deviation**

Penny felt strange being alone in her apartment when she returned from Omaha. She could still hear Cyndee running around even though she knew her precious daughter was fifteen hundred miles away. She'd gotten in early that morning and spent much of the day just as she had spent most of the previous week, trying to figure out what to do about Sheldon. Suddenly there was a triple-knock at her door followed by a whispered name.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

Penny ran to the door and opened it, saying:

"Sheldon I'm really glad you didn't listen to me. I…"

It wasn't Sheldon at the door. It was his roommate.

"Hello, um, Penny."

"What the hell do you want?"

"I don't think you want to have this conversation in the hallway. You should probably invite me in."

"Yeah, and you should probably go to hell."

"Fine. But you should know that I'm in possession of some very interesting photographs of your daughter that I'm sure the appropriate child welfare authorities would like to see."

"So you're the one. All right. Come in."

"Thank you."

"What do you want?"

"First, let me show you what I have so you are fully aware that my threat is real."

Leonard handed Penny his cell phone. She paged through the photos of Cyndee at the club, gasping at the series of Cyndee standing in front of and looking at a very naked Crystal.

"So you sent that woman to the club."

"Be aware that those are not the only copies so throwing my phone out the window won't do you any good."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you to have nothing to do with Sheldon Cooper. No relationship. No friendship. No babysitting. Nothing."

"All right."

"I'd make you move out but I kind of appreciate the convenience."

"I don't understand."

"You're going to do me a few favors for a couple of weeks while your daughter is away. Yeah, I know she's in Nebraska with your parents."

"What kind of favors?"

"You know exactly what kind of favors. And you won't tell anyone about it. The email is already written and addressed. All I need to do is press send. But you won't need to be concerned for too long. As Sheldon has no doubt told you, I have a very short attention span."

"Fine. What the hell are you doing?"

"We have some unfinished business."


	25. The Conditional Reflections

**25 – The Conditional Reflections**

Penny was scared. Scared of what Leonard could do. She'd heard stories about children taken from their parents for the flimsiest of reasons and how hard it was to get them back once they were in the system. She didn't want that to happen to Cyndee. She would do whatever she had to do to prevent that from happening to Cyndee.

_Later that week_

"Sheldon?"

"Hello, Nora."

"What's going on with you and Penny?"

"Nora, I haven't seen or spoken with her since before she went to Omaha. I'm aware that she returned but we have not encountered each other."

"Sheldon, she's miserable. She looks terrible. She's not eating. She's working all the time except when she's at school."

"Nora, I don't know what to say. I'm trying to do as she asked even though it pains me greatly. It seems to me that as her best friend you would be in the best position to help her."

"Okay. But it just seems to me that there's more going on with her than just what's between the two of you."

"Perhaps so, but I am in no position to help determine what it is."

"Okay. Talk to you later, Sheldon."

"Goodbye, Nora."

_Sunday night at Manny's, closing time._

"Sweetie, what the hell's going on?"

"What do you mean, Nora?"

"I mean you look terrible."

"Well, I'm working a lot and I have final papers to get done and I miss the hell out of Cyndee. How am I supposed to look?"

"Points taken. But you aren't taking care of yourself. You aren't eating right and, Penny, you've been drinking. A lot."

"So, it's the holidays. I'm celebrating."

"Damn it, Penny. You stopped drinking like this before you had Cyndee. I know. I was there. You only drink a little wine with dinner sometimes and you hardly keep any alcohol in the house."

"So I need a little help to get through all this. So sue me."

"Penny?"

"I know what this is about, Nora"

"What's it about, Penny?"

"You're just wondering whether you'll be able to fuck me while Cyndee's away and I'm not seeing anyone else."

"Damn it, Penny."

"I mean, I get it. Fucking me is lots of fun. Everybody wants to do it. You. Sheldon. His pervert roommate. The customers."

"Penny, where's all this coming from?"

"Just stay away from me and mind your own business, Nora."

Penny ran out to her car, got in and started it up, and broke down in tears. She was trying to stay away from her apartment. She took every shift and private party that was available. She spent as much time at the library doing schoolwork as she could. Even with that she had to come home at some point. And when she did he came to her door with demands for more. And she had no choice.

As soon as she walked into her apartment she went straight for the kitchen cabinet and grabbed the bottle of Grey Goose that she now kept there. She took a couple of quick swigs straight from the bottle and then poured some more into a coffee mug. Five minutes after she walked in she heard his knock. He didn't bother imitating Sheldon any more. Penny silently opened the door and let Leonard in.

"Aw. You look so sad. Probably because you've spent so much energy trying to avoid me. Well, I have some good news for you. You get to be my date to the big fundraising gala next Monday."

"But Sheldon will be there. I was supposed to be his date."

"Well that's not going to happen. And he's going to see that you're with me and he'll never have anything to do with you again."

"I won't go."

"Oh, you'll go. And you'll dress up in the sexiest dress you have. And you'll do whatever I want because I have the photos."

"Fine."

Leonard unbuckled his belt and undid the button and lowered the fly on his slacks, letting them drop to the floor. He then slid his boxers down and stood there waiting for Penny with a great big smile on his face.

And Penny drank the entire contents of her mug.


	26. The Party Preparation

_A/N: Sorry for the hiccup yesterday. I had trouble posting to the site so nothing went up until the wee hours today. Hopefully has resolved their issues. I realize that I'm putting Penny and Sheldon through the proverbial ringer. I'm sorry about that. I do hope they make it through. Thanks for all of the follows and favorites and reviews. Though this is the darkest story I've written it is apparently also the most popular. That surprises the hell out of me. And nary a Zarneckie has made an appearance. They're probably still celebrating last week's proposal and will flame me as soon as they sober up. We're back on schedule and as long as the site allows it you'll be getting at least one update daily until the story ends with Chapter 38._

**26 – The Party Preparation**

Sheldon called Penny a week before the gala and left a message on her voicemail.

"Hello Penny. This is Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper. I am calling to determine whether you will be accompanying me to next Monday's gala fundraiser. I do not wish to pressure you but my department head requires that I bring a date and if you are unable to I must seek another."

Late on Tuesday Sheldon received a txt from Penny.

**SORRY CAN'T GO WITH U.**

Sheldon text back asking why but received no response. He waited until the next day before making the call.

"Hello."

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler. This is Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper."

"Hello, Sheldon."

"Would you be able to accompany me to our gala fundraiser next Monday?"

"I'd love to Sheldon."

"Good, I will pick you up at six."

"I'm really looking forward to this, Sheldon."

"Goodbye, Amy Farrah Fowler."

All through that week Penny walked around as if she was in a trance. She woke up in the morning, had a drink and filled her small flask with vodka. She went to school and did what she needed to do. When she finished her schoolwork she went home. She drank some more. Leonard came over. Leonard left. Penny got ready for work and she drove over to Manny's. She didn't speak to anyone. She didn't acknowledge anyone. She danced when it was her turn. During her breaks she either sat in the dressing room staring into space or went out into the alley to drink from her flask. Some nights when she went home after work Leonard would be outside her apartment waiting for her. Her life had become a living hell.

All through the week Nora watched as Penny withdrew further and further from her friends. Everyone kept asking her what was wrong. Penny wouldn't speak to them either. Nora was worried. And scared.

All through the week Sheldon followed his schedule. He had made adjustments for Penny and Cyndee. There was no longer any need for that. Except for the one text message he hadn't heard from Penny at all. His week returned to normal. He took refuge in that. The only thing he found confounding was the big smile that Leonard seemed to be wearing all of the time.

All through the week Leonard Hofstadter took advantage of his situation. He had a beautiful woman nearby and she would do whatever he wanted. She was his after all. He had called dibs. That he had stolen her from his genius roommate just made it sweeter. And soon, very soon, he'd be able to rub that fact in the brilliant Sheldon Cooper's face.


	27. The Conflicting Conveyances

**27 – The Conflicting Conveyances**

On the night of the gala Sheldon dutifully donned his rented tuxedo. He purchased a corsage for Amy Farrah Fowler as she had requested. Sheldon researched it. A corsage was not appropriate for a formal event. It was more appropriate for a high school dance. But Amy Farrah Fowler apparently had a specific plan the evening was to follow and Sheldon really didn't care. He just wanted it to be over.

Sheldon had arranged for a Town Car to ferry them to the event and to pick them up later in the evening. Sheldon hoped it wouldn't be too long an evening. He offered Leonard a ride but Leonard said he had made his own arrangements. The care took him to Amy Farrah Fowler's building. Sheldon knocked on her door.

Amy Farrah Fowler came to the door wearing the same bridesmaid dress she had worn at Howard and Bernadette's wedding. However, she had augmented it with an audacious tiara.

"Well, Sheldon, don't I look just like a fairy princess? I feel like a princess. Well, Sheldon?"

Sheldon thought she looked ridiculous.

"You look very nice, Amy. I brought the corsage you requested."

"Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me."

He put it on her wrist. Amy Farrah Fowler glowed.

"I wish high school me could see me now. It does get better!"

"Our car is downstairs. The event begins at 7:00pm. I do not wish to be late."

"Sheldon, this will take as long as it needs to because I wish to enjoy every second."

Leonard got dressed as Sheldon left. He walked upstairs and banged on Penny's door. Penny was wearing the red dress she'd worn for her date with Sheldon. Leonard was impressed.

"Remember, you are not to speak to anyone except to respond if they speak to you. You're an actress and that's what you'll tell them. You will not speak to Sheldon or for that matter the other two guys who were with me at the club that night. You will look at me adoringly and you will not embarrass me."

"Yeah, I'll let you embarrass yourself."

"I'd drop the sarcasm, missy. I can send that email from anywhere."

"Fine."

The walked down to the lobby. Leonard had rented a limo. He was doing this in style. After all, this was his night of triumph. He was making an entrance with the most beautiful woman any of his fellow science geeks had ever seen. And she was his. He opened the door for Penny and then went around to get in himself.

"Raise the privacy screen and take your time getting to the venue. I want to make an entrance."

Once the privacy screen was up Leonard unzipped his pants.

"You really expect me to give you a blowjob in the back of a limo on the way to an event?"

"Of course not, that would ruin your makeup. Use your hands. I brought wipes."

_Next: Chapter 28: The Fundraiser Fracas_


	28. The Fundraiser Fracas

**28 – The Fundraiser Fracas**

At the gala Sheldon desperately tried to get away from Amy Farrah Fowler. Not only did she look ridiculous, but she kept introducing herself to his colleagues as his girlfriend.

"Excuse me, Amy Farrah Fowler, but I requested your presence this evening as a date to a single event. I have not and will not be making any ongoing commitment."

"Why not, Sheldon? We are perfectly suited for each other. I can't imagine two people better suited to an ongoing relationship leading to marriage and progeny."

"My heart belongs to another."

"Well, Sheldon, if that were true she would be here with you, wouldn't she?"

"There have been complications."

"If you, a genius, could not overcome some complications than I suggest that it was not meant to be."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, I suggest you refrain from speaking of matters of which you have no direct knowledge."

At that moment Leonard made his entrance with Penny on his arm. Heads turned. The smile that Leonard had been wearing grew even bigger. When Sheldon saw Penny he didn't know what to think. He made a beeline towards them. Amy Farrah Fowler tried to keep up.

Leonard saw Sheldon heading toward him.

"Hello Sheldon. I believe you know Penny."

Penny was silent. To Sheldon she looked pale and unhappy.

"Hello Penny."

"Say hello to Sheldon, Penny."

"Hello, Sheldon."

Penny looked down at her feet. She hoped nobody would notice the tear rolling down her cheek.

"Penny, may I speak with you."

"Sheldon, Penny doesn't want to speak with you. Not now. Not ever. She's with me now. I suggest you get used to that. If you recall, I did call dibs on her. And maybe you want to consider living somewhere else."

"I don't know how you were able to do this, Leonard, but you will not succeed."

"Penny has made her choice, Sheldon. I've already won. Now why don't you take your prom queen and enjoy your evening. I know I'll enjoy mine. I have so far."

Sheldon looked around.

"Excuse me, Amy Farrah Fowler, but I'll be leaving now."

"But Sheldon."

"I believe I was quite clear. I'm sorry but you'll need to find your own way home."

Sheldon marched straight for the entrance and left.

Amy Farrah Fowler looked at Leonard.

"This is not what was supposed to happen. Sheldon was supposed to fall in love with me tonight and declare his everlasting love."

"Hey, I made sure he brought you here. What happened after that is on you."

"Well, you didn't have to bring his whore here did you?"

"I had to get something from those pictures, didn't I?"

Penny suddenly realized something. She broke away from Leonard and went right at Amy Farrah Fowler.

"So _you're_ the cow who took the pictures!"

Penny grabbed another guest's drink out of their hand and threw it in Amy's face.

Amy Farrah Fowler just stood there embarrassed as some of the guests began to laugh. She slowly began walking toward the door. Leonard grabbed Penny and dragged her away.

"That was a pretty stupid move. But you got rid of her and that works out just fine."

"I'm going over to the bar for a drink. Is that okay?"

"Fine. Just come right back over to me."

"All right."

Leonard went over and joined a few of his colleagues. They conversed for a few minutes and then one of them commented.

"That's a pretty hot date you have, Hofstadter."

"Thank you."

"Been together long?"

"A while."

"How did you meet?"

"Through friends."

"Is it serious?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, if you ever get tired of her, give me a call."

"If you want, I could let you borrow her for a while tonight. I'm getting a bit bored."

Leonard was surprised when he got no response. The guy he was talking to seemed to be looking right through him. Leonard turned around and saw Penny right behind him. Then he felt her knee in his groin.

"You're a creep and a pervert, Leonard Hofstadter. If the people you work with don't know that already, they know it now. Fuck you and don't you dare come knocking at my door again. If you do, you'll be very, very sorry. And so will little tiny, itty bitty Leonard."

As Penny stormed out of the ballroom she paused slightly to look around. "Was Sheldon still there?" she thought. But then again, why would Sheldon have anything to do with her? She had been horrible to him and couldn't even tell him why. She also suddenly realized she had no money with her. Just before she exited the hall Sheldon's Indian friend Raj ran up to her. He tried to say something but couldn't. He just looked terribly sad and then grabbed her hand and stuffed two twenties into it.

"Thank you, Raj," she said through her tears.

Penny walked outside, still not knowing what to do. Of course it was raining. Was someone writing the script for this disaster? If so it was so clichéd they should be fired. She spied the limo she'd arrived in and tapped on the driver's window.

"You wouldn't be willing to drive me back where you got me, would you? I can pay you."

"Hop in."

"Do you mind if I ride in front with you? I kinda don't want to be back there again."

"I understand. Just go around. The door's unlocked."

While they drove back to North Los Robles, Penny looked around to see if Sheldon was walking home in the rain. She still had no idea what she'd say to him. She knew how much she'd hurt him and couldn't blame him if he never wanted to see her again. And she couldn't stop crying.

When they arrived at 2311 North Los Robles Penny offered the driver the two wet twenties she'd been clutching in her hand. He refused to take them.

"Miss, you look like you've had a bad enough day. I won't make it worse by taking all of your money. I hope things turn around for you."

Penny thanked the driver, walked into the lobby, took off her heels and trudged up the stairs. She went into her apartment and called home.

"Hi, dad."

"Hi, slugger."

"I'm flying out tomorrow to get Cyndee."

"How long are you staying?"

"Just a couple of days. I can't miss too much work and I have a couple of papers due for school."

"Why don't you just leave Cyndee with us till Christmas and then you two can have a proper visit."

"Dad, I can't. I don't want to miss that much work. And I really miss her. I need her."

"Okay, sweetie. Let me know when your flight gets in so we can pick you up."

"Okay. Dad?"

"Yes, slugger?"

"I love you."

"Me too, honey."

Penny hung up and made her travel arrangements and emailed a copy to her father. A car would pick her up the next morning. She had nothing to do until then. She went to the kitchen cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Grey Goose, it would have to be the last one if Cyndee was coming home, and started drinking straight from the bottle. Maybe she could forget everything by morning.


	29. The Parental Revelation

**29 – The Parental Revelation**

Penny spent an uncomfortable two days in Nebraska. Cyndee had told her grandparents about her visit to the strange place with the ladies without their clothes on. Penny tried to explain. Finally she told her parents that when the sitter couldn't reach her she called her friend Nora who told the sitter to drop Cyndee off at the club where she worked as a bartender.

"But Penny, don't you work with Nora?"

"Yup."

"At a strip joint?"

"It's a "gentlemen's club" and we're bartenders."

"I've heard those places are fronts for drugs and prostitution."

"Well, not this one. Except for the standard drunk and disorderly customer arrests you'd get at any bar, Manny's is strictly above board. There have been no drug busts. No prostitution. It's, believe it or not, a family strip club. All of the girls are college students and pretty much all of them graduate. They even come back to visit."

"Penny, you're just a bartender, right? You don't dance there?"

"Mom. Dad. Do you know how much the dancer's make per week?"

"To embarrass themselves like that? Not enough."

"Most of them make almost two thousand dollars a week."

"That's a lot."

"Yup. That kind of money could help pay for a lot of things. Rent on a nice apartment. College tuition. Keeping a three-year-old in diapers and toys."

"Penny, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that after Kurt walked out and took all of our money Nora got me a job dancing at Manny's. I found out I was pregnant shortly after that. I stopped dancing before I showed and the owner, Jeff, put me to work as a bartender. When I couldn't do that anymore he put me on the register. And he paid all the bills that the insurance, which he also paid for, didn't cover. And he never asked anything of me. He said if I wanted to leave after Cyndee was born, it was fine and that I didn't owe him a thing. I decided to say and when I was back in shape I started dancing again."

"But, why? You're a mother, for God's sake."

"This is just for now. All of my bills are paid and Cyndee is well taken care of. Once I finish school I hope I'll be able to get something more appropriate. And aside from all that, I think I met the love of my life at the club."

"You really shouldn't be thinking of having a life with anyone you meet at that place."

"This guy isn't the typical guy you'd meet at a place Manny's or any other kind of club. He's the sweetest, most caring guy I've ever met. And the smartest. He's a college professor."

"And he wants to be with you, a stripper?"

"Mom, don't say it like that. I'm a dancer. And Sheldon loves me and Cyndee. And she loves him."

"So why isn't he here with you? We'd like to meet this brilliant college professor of yours."

"We're kind of working through a problem."

"He doesn't like where you work either, does he?"

"Actually, he enjoys my dancing and doesn't have a problem with how I earn a living. Our issue is about something else. And we're going to work it out. I hope."

"Slugger, I can't say we approve of what you're doing. But it's your life and you need to lead it how you want. But if we get any sense that that life is affecting Cyndee we're going to insist that you come home and raise our granddaughter here."

"I get that. And if that happened I'd be on the plane with her moving back here. But I really believe that what I'm doing now will lead to a better life for both of us. And this won't be going on much longer. The Masters program I got into is just under two years. By the time Cyndee starts school I should be nice and respectable."

"Alright. But you be careful. I know that a lot of animals frequent those establishments."

"Yeah, well so far the only animals I've met have been supposedly respectable citizens. Cyndee was at the club and it was an accident. That won't happen again."


	30. 30 – The Hofstadter-Fowler Vengeance

**30 – The Hofstadter/Fowler Vengeance**

Penny and Cyndee boarded a plane bound for Los Angeles. Penny felt a sense of relief wash over her after she told her parents about her job at Manny's. She wasn't entirely happy that she'd probably have to defend her choice every time they spoke, but that was where fifteen hundred miles came in handy.

Cyndee loved spending time at the farm but she wanted to go home. She wanted her bed and her toys and her mommy and her Moonpie.

Moonpie was something Penny needed to figure out. How could she face him after the gala? What could she tell him about what his roommate made her do? She really hoped Sheldon would be understanding. And supportive. And she hoped that she'd have the courage to knock on his door. By the time the cab lulled up to 2311 North Los Robles, Cyndee was fast asleep. Penny dragged her bags into the building lobby and left them by the mailboxes. She went back for Cyndee and carried her upstairs. She paused at 4A but kept going at the thought that Leonard might be there. Penny really needed to tell Sheldon about _that_.

When they got to her apartment Penny carried Cyndee to her bed and climbed in next to her.

Leonard Hofstadter was not happy. He had been embarrassed in front of his colleagues by a stripper. A stripper! He was going to do something about it. He called Amy Farrah Fowler.

Amy Farrah Fowler was angry. She had been embarrassed publicly by a whore. A whore who had stolen her man from her. She was going to do something about it. When Leonard called her she didn't think twice.

They met and went down to the Pasadena office of Child Protective Services together. They were going to teach Penny Queen a lesson.

Leona Thursby was a caseworker at the Pasadena office of Child Protective Services (CPS). She had been there for five years and she didn't particularly like working hard. She had her heart set on a supervisory position but her performance record wasn't going to get her the job. She needed to do something to make the director take notice of her. When two respected scientists walked into her office and told her about the horrible situation that little Cyndee Queen was in, she knew that this could be her chance. The poor little girl was the daughter of a prostitute and was being forced to spend her days in a strip club of all things. The story would have been enough. When she saw the pictures she knew she had a slam dunk. That supervisor job would be hers. She had rushed through the necessary paper work and arranged to meet the scientists at the prostitute's residence.

Penny woke up to banging on her front door. Penny opened to door to find a women in a suit who handed her some papers. Behind her were Leonard Hofstadter grinning from ear to ear and the cow from the gala wearing a scowl.

"You've been reported to Child Protective Services as posing a danger to your child Cyndee Queen and I have an order to take her into protective custody. If you have any objection please read the papers I'm giving you and follow the appeal procedure. Now please prepare Cyndee and put some clothing in a suitcase for her."

Penny was in a trance. She didn't know what to do. She obeyed the woman from Child Protective Services. She handed her the suitcase. She told a crying Cyndee to behave and that she'd bring her back home soon.

Leonard was about to say something when Penny slammed the door in his face.

She went to her couch, sat down, called Nora and asked her to come over not telling her why, and then just started sobbing hysterically.


	31. The Cyndee Calamity

**31 – The Cyndee Calamity**

From the apartment upstairs, through the carpeting, through the floor, through the ceiling Sheldon could hear Penny sobbing upstairs. He felt completely helpless. Suddenly he heard banging on his front door. He went over and opened it to find himself facing an irate Nora.

"Aren't you going to do anything?"

"What can I do? Penny made it quite clear she wanted me out of her life. I have acceded to her wish. I have adjusted my schedule so that we never even accidentally meet. When I unexpectedly saw her with my roommate at the fundraising gala on Monday I left. What more can I do?"

"Don't you have any idea what's been going on?"

"How would I know? Who would tell me? I am now as isolated as I was before I met Penny, before I met any of my friends. I don't like it but apparently that is how it must be. I will just devote myself to my work."

"Sheldon, I can't believe you're this dense. But then again Penny is just about as dense as you are. For two people who belong together you two are absolutely determined to chase each other away."

"Nora, I don't understand."

"Sheldon, first of all, your roommate is not just a jerk, he's an evil manipulative bastard."

"I still don't understand."

"Do you know why Penny was with him at the fundraiser?"

"Not at all. I was shocked when I saw it and I can still make no sense of it."

"She wouldn't say anything to me either. She wouldn't say anything to anyone until just a little while ago. That's why I'm here."

"Nora, what happened to Penny?"

"Sheldon, remember when the Penny App stopped working while you were out of town?"

"Of course."

"I didn't think it was a coincidence then and now I'm sure of it."

"You believe that somehow Leonard arranged it?"

"He had someone at the club ready to take those pictures of Cyndee."

"It certainly couldn't have been him. Jeff would never have allowed him in."

"Jeff told us that a dowdy lesbian type came into the club shortly before Leilah and Cyndee showed up and she left afterwards. In a hurry. She was the one who took the pictures."

"Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Sheldon, it gets a lot worse. When Penny got back after Thanksgiving Leonard showed up at her door and showed her the pictures. He told her that if she didn't do what he said he'd send the pictures to CPS."

"What did he make her do?"

"He made her stop seeing you."

"She wouldn't tell me why."

"He also made her do stuff for him… to him. He said it was unfinished business. That went on until the fundraiser when he tried to give her to some guy. She kneed Leonard in the groin and left."

"I'll kill him."

"Sheldon. This morning Leonard and that woman and someone from Child Protective Services showed up and took Cyndee away from Penny. I'm really worried. She's in really bad shape."

"Nora, go be with Penny. Make sure she doesn't harm herself. I'll deal with my roommate."

Sheldon paced the room a few times and then picked up his cell phone and called Howard Wolowitz.

"Hi, Sheldon."

"Hello, Howard. Did you make any progress on what went wrong with the Penny App?"

"Beyond knowing that it somehow got a virus that spread to all the phones using it, no. I'd need to check every phone and that's pretty time-consuming. And since Penny wants nothing to do with it or you I figured there wasn't any point."

"I'd like you to try to check one phone. I believe that may be the source."

"Whose phone?"

"Leonard's."

"But we were only linking to his iCal calendar."

"That should make it a bit simpler, shouldn't it?"

"Okay, that shouldn't take me very long at all."

"I'm on my way there and should arrive by lunch. Please don't let on to Leonard that I am coming or what you are doing."

"Sheldon, what's going on?"

"War, Howard. Leonard has crossed a line. He has harmed someone who never did anything to him."

"Sheldon, you need to calm down."

"No. I don't. I'll see you shortly."

Howard had never heard Sheldon like this before. He sounded angry. Really angry. He didn't sound like that when he found out they'd manipulated his results in the Arctic. He should have but he didn't. Leonard must have done something really awful. He picked up his phone.

"Hey, Howard."

"Raj, come down here. I need your help with something. And stay away from Leonard."

"Okay. But what's happening."

"I think Sheldon's about to blow and I think it's going to be a lot safer behind him than in front of him."

"And you think Leonard is going to be in front of him."

"Pretty sure."

"I'll be right there."

Sheldon called his landlord and then took the bus to CalTech. He didn't sit down the entire way. He just paced. The bus driver threatened to make him de-bus if he didn't at least stand still. When he arrived it was just about lunchtime. He entered the cafeteria and saw Howard and Raj standing nervously over to the side. Then Sheldon saw Leonard. He was sitting at their regular table wearing his self-satisfied smile, implying he had achieved something amazing. Sheldon walked up to Leonard and glared at him. Leonard looked up.

"What?"

Then Sheldon did something that surprised even him. He grabbed Leonard by the collar and belt and threw him across the room. As Leonard lay there shocked Sheldon marched over put his knees on Leonard's chest and started punching him in the face and head.

Howard and Raj ran over and pulled Sheldon off. A bloodied Leonard struggled off the floor and pointed at Sheldon.

"I don't care how fucking smart you're supposed to be. Your career is over!"

"Find yourself a new place to live, Leonard Hofstadter. The locks are being changed right now. Your things will be sent to a storage facility or possibly just be left out on the street. I haven't decided which. Stay away from me, Leonard Hofstadter. And stay away from Penny and Cyndee. Stay away or I'll kill you. I swear I will."

Leonard stomped out of the cafeteria.

Sheldon looked at Howard.

"Well?"

"You were right. The virus was embedded in Leonard's calendar."

"He set Penny up. He set us all up. And now he's had Child Protective Services take Cyndee away from Penny."

"Sheldon, calm down. I'm going to call one of my cousins to help with the custody thing. That's his specialty. But you have a really big problem right here. A lot of people saw what you just did."

"I don't care, Howard."

"Well, you should. Leonard was right. This could end your career. I think we'd better go to your office and figure out what to do next."

No sooner had they sat down in Sheldon's office then there was a knock at the door. Raj opened it to find Dr. Galelhauser, the department chair.

"Dr. Koothrapali, Mr. Wolowitz, I need a word with Dr. Cooper. In private."

Raj and Howard scurried out.

"Dr. Cooper, I just had a rather unpleasant visit from Dr. Hofstadter…_what the hell?"_

"Dr. Gabelhauser, I apologize for my actions. I am prepared to tender my resignation immediately."

"You will do no such thing. You will, however, explain what happened."

"Didn't Dr. Hofstadter already explain? I'm sure that his version will match that of any of a number of witnesses to my actions."

"I haven't believed a word out of Dr. Hofstadter's mouth since he returned from the Arctic?"

"Excuse me."

"Hofstadter is a lazy scientist and a worthless human being. The only reason I kept him around was because he seemed to keep you in line. You, I need. If that's no longer the case I'd be more than happy to kick him to the curb. The problem is you've just made that extremely difficult."

"I apologize."

"Now there may need to be an official hearing and that would be quite unpleasant. Mainly for you. And a little for me. Your little pugilistic enterprise has given Hofstadter the upper hand. Now will you please explain to me why you would suddenly gain super-powers and use them against someone who purported to be your best friend."

"Because he harmed the person who actually _is_ my best friend. And I don't know if I can repair the damage he did."

"Explain."

"As you are no doubt aware, Leonard Hofstadter is primarily driven by his baser urges."

"According to the female grad students he thinks with his dick. They have, if you will forgive the term, blackballed him."

"I am aware that word got around after his attempt to have my assistant fired after she refused him further coitus privileges. Apparently he then targeted a woman I was involved with and proceeded to blackmail her into having relations with him."

"Was that the woman who kneed him at the gala the other night?"

"Indeed."

"The trustees are still talking about that. Apparently they found it very entertaining."

"Apparently Hofstadter did not. My friend Penny has a young daughter. This morning Hofstadter and another acquaintance of mine showed up at Penny's door with Child Protective Services and took her daughter away. Hence my actions."

"You may have gone too easy on him."

"My thought also. But now my priority is to return Penny's daughter to her. Knowing me has caused her nothing but pain and I must remedy that, even if she never wishes to see me again."

"I hope that it won't be that bad. My wife volunteers at a children's shelter and I believe she may know someone at CPS. Perhaps I could make a call. I can't guarantee anything but perhaps I could arrange a meeting."

"I'm not sure that Penny will even speak with me."

"Perhaps you should pay attention to that while I slow walk Hofstadter's demand for a disciplinary hearing. For the time being I suggest you work from home. I'll lead Hofstadter to believe you've been put on suspension. I'll phone you this evening after I've spoken with my wife. What is your friend Penny's last name?"

"Her full name is Penelope Queen. And her daughter is Cyndee. They really must be brought back together."

"I'll let you know what I discover when I call you later. Now go home. I suspect Wolowitz and Koothrapali are still outside your door. They can give you a ride."

"Thank you Dr Gabelhauser."

"Don't thank me yet. I probably still have some Trustee ass to kiss this afternoon. That will not put me in a particularly good mood. You will owe me."

"Whatever you request."

"That can wait. Now, I probably need to tell you angrily and loudly and publicly to go home so please don't be too shocked. Though Koothrapali may pee his pants."

"Do what you must."

Dr. Gabelhauser opened Sheldon's office door and turned back to him.

"You're suspended! Now get out of here and don't come back until you hear from me! There's going to be a hearing."

Gabelhauser left and just as he predicted Raj and Howard were right outside the door.

"Come in and close the door behind you."

"Sheldon, are you being fired?"

"No. That was for show. Gabelhauser wants to help."

"How?"

"We aren't sure yet. First, please take me home. I need to try to speak with Penny."


	32. The Swirling Solution

**32 – The Swirling Solution**

Sheldon picked up his new key from the landlord and headed up to his apartment. He breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't find Leonard waiting for him. He put his bag down, locked the door behind him and went upstairs.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

Nora opened the door.

"How is she, Nora?"

"Not good. She's been alternating between crying and drinking all day. She's a mess."

"Can I speak with her?"

"You can try. She's in her bedroom. Wait a minute? Sheldon, why are your hands all scraped and…why is there blood on your clothes?"

"I'm sorry. I hadn't noticed. I, um, had an encounter with Leonard. Well, to be more accurate, Leonard had an encounter with me. He certainly sustained more significant damage than I."

"As soon as someone came to relieve me I was planning to go downstairs and inflict some damage on him myself."

"You won't find him there. I had the landlord change the locks. I'll have his possessions moved out tomorrow."

"That sort of falls in the "too little, too late" category, doesn't it?"

"If I'd done something like this when it was first suggested to me we might have avoided the current crisis."

"Sheldon, speaking of that, what are we going to do?"

"I believe I need to speak with Penny first. I suspect she would object if anything were to be done without her consent."

"You're probably right. I'm just not sure she's in any state to give it."

"Than might I suggest you prepare some coffee while I try to speak with her."

"Sheldon, are you sure?"

"Nora, consuming alcohol and weeping will not solve this problem and we must solve it."

"Okay, but be prepared. It ain't pretty in there."

Sheldon steeled himself as he knocked on Penny's bedroom door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

"Go away, Sheldon."

Sheldon opened the door anyway and walked into Penny's bedroom. It was a mess. Clothing was strewn everywhere. Furniture was overturned. Sheldon hoped that the room's chaotic state was a recent development and not typical.

Penny was lying face down on her bed sobbing.

"I'm sorry Penny but we must speak."

"I don't know why you'd even want to speak to me."

"Because I care for you. You know that."

"I've been horrible to you."

"Penny, I've spoken with Nora. I know what Leonard has been doing."

"They took Cyndee."

"And we will get her back. I promise."

"How?"

"I'm not sure. But we will."

Penny raised her head and looked at Sheldon. Her face held a sadder expression than he had ever seen before. Sadder even than when MeeMaw lost PopPop. And then Penny vomited all over her bed.

Sheldon battled the desire to do the same. Instead he grabbed Penny and dragged her to the bathroom, asking Nora to join him. Together they undressed Penny and poured her into the bathtub and then turned on the shower.

"Nora, stay with her while I take her clothing and bedding down to the laundry room. I'll be back up in a few minutes."

Sheldon quickly gathered the clothing they had just stripped from Penny, the soiled bedding and as much clothing as he could gather from the floor of Penny's bedroom and headed down to the laundry room. The entire time he struggled to not get sick himself. Once he had load everything into washers and gotten them started he went back upstairs to Penny's apartment.

He found Penny sitting in the living room wearing her bathrobe drinking coffee while Nora prepared more.

"Feeling better, Penny?"

"A little. Why are you even here? I've treated you so badly."

"I'm here because I care. I'm here because I love you Penny. I love you and I want to help make things better."

"How, Sheldon? Just how do we make things better?"

"We're going to try to get Cyndee back to you."

"The woman from Child Services said that wasn't going to happen."

"Penny, I see impossible things happen all the time. We will prevail and we will have help."

"What help?"

"Howard Wolowitz has a cousin who is an attorney specializing in these kinds of cases. Additionally my department head's wife has contacts at Child Protective Services."

"What do I need to do?"

"I expect to hear from Gabelhauser shortly. Howard is arranging an appointment with his cousin for tomorrow morning. Once we have gathered information from them we will determine how to then proceed."

"But what about Cyndee. She's all alone with strangers."

"I understand. I know that must be very painful for you. We will work to have you reunited as soon as possible."

"What about your roommate? He set this all up."

"I'm aware of that. I'm sorry. Although it may be, as Nora suggested, too little too late, Leonard Hofstadter is no longer my roommate."

Suddenly they heard a knock at the door. Nora went to see who was there and Howard and Raj came in. Howard was holding an iPad and said, "You have got to see this."

Penny, Nora, Sheldon, Howard and Raj gathered around the iPad and watched Sheldon's altercation with Leonard on YouTube.

"It's already gotten 15,000 hits."

Sheldon looked mortified.

"This is not the sort of notoriety I desired."

"Sheldon, did you do that for me?"

"I couldn't allow him to sit around and smirk triumphantly. Once we have reunited you and Cyndee I intend to destroy him professionally. He'll be lucky to get a job waiting tables at The Cheesecake Factory."

"Penny, I'm Howard Wolowitz. My cousin will see you at 10:00am tomorrow morning. He's pretty sure that he can have Cyndee back with you by the end of the day or next day at the latest. We have evidence that you were set up."

"Excuse me?"

"Leonard planted a virus in the Penny App and made sure it activated while Sheldon and I were unavailable. As soon as he knew the app wasn't working he sent someone over to Manny's assuming that when somebody didn't show up for their shift that Cyndee would be brought there. They photographed Cyndee at the club and then when you stopped doing what Leonard wanted they went to Child Services and we're pretty sure they lied."

"How do we prove that?"

"I'm not certain but I have an idea. I need to go downstairs and move your laundry to the dryer. I'll be back in a few minutes."

Sheldon left Penny's apartment and was surprised to find Amy Farrah Fowler knocking on the door to Apartment 4A.

"Sheldon, why were you upstairs?"

"Amy Farrah Fowler, I have no reason to offer you an explanation for my actions. You, however, need to give me an explanation for yours."

"I disagree. And further, I suggest you apologize to Leonard immediately."

"Why would I owe Leonard Hofstadter an apology?"

"He attempted to rescue you from a harlot who would destroy your career and for that you assaulted him."

"I did not require rescuing. I love Penny."

"No Sheldon. You're mistaken. You love me."

"Amy Farrah Fowler, you are deluded. You _were_, and I emphasize my use of the past tense, my friend. Nothing more. Any romantic entanglement was your delusion that I did nothing to encourage."

"Sheldon, we are much better suited to be together than you and that whore."

"I suggest you stop insulting Penny before I physically remove you from the building."

"Why? She forced you to pay for her apartment and I don't know what else and she made you watch as she removed her clothing in front of other men. She's not a fit woman to be with you and she is not a fit mother either. I'm glad I helped get her daughter taken from her."

"First, Amy, I suggest you consider that you gleaned all of this information from a man who declared the moment he first saw Penny that he intended to have sexual relations with her and then proceeded to have unwanted physical contact with her that very evening. Second, Penny lived in the apartment above me for months before I was even aware of it. I have never paid a single one of her bills though if she needed it I would be happy to do so. Third, how Penny supports herself is her business and not yours but you should know that I enjoy her dancing a great deal. Fourth, Penny is a wonderful mother and I love her and her daughter. And finally, you assisted Leonard in blackmailing the woman I love into having sexual relations with him under duress and when she finally refused him you assisted in taking her child from her. I will never forgive you for that."

Amy Farrah Fowler was speechless.

"I intend to destroy Leonard Hofstadter and you are no doubt aware that when I set my mind to a task I succeed at it. If you wish to spare yourself the same fate you will meet me at Penny's attorney's office in the morning and provide us with all of the details of your plot. I will text you the address. If you are not there at 10:00am you should be prepared for your actions to become public knowledge."

"But…"

"Good day, Amy Farrah Fowler. Now remove yourself from my building before I send my friend Nora to physically remove you. And while she will enjoy the exercise you will most certainly not."

Sheldon continued down the stairs to the laundry room. Amy Farrah Fowler remained behind tongue-tied.


	33. The Gabelhauser Gambit

**33 – The Gabelhauser Gambit**

Later that evening Sheldon received a phone call.

"Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper here."

"Dr. Cooper, my name is Bernice Williams and I'm Director of Child Protective Services for Pasadena. My friend Mindy Gabelhauser requested that I call you. I've reviewed your friend Penelope Queen's file and I see some irregularities. We've had some problems with people filing erroneous and sometimes fraudulent nuisance reports and, I must tell you, the report I'm looking at certainly looks like one of them. I've requested that the case officer who took Ms. Queen's child Cyndee report to my office first thing tomorrow morning and I would like to meet with you and Ms. Queen tomorrow afternoon at 2:00pm. Can you make sure that she is there?"

"I will. Thank you, Ms. Williams."

"Um, Dr. Williams."

"Thank you Dr. Williams. I will make certain she is there along with her attorney. I will also be present.

"Thank you, Dr. Cooper. I hope we'll be able to straighten out this horrible mess tomorrow."

Sheldon immediately called Howard's cousin and then went upstairs. Nora answered the door.

"Shhhh. I finally got her to sleep a little. What's up?"

"We will see the Director of Child Protective Services tomorrow afternoon. She told me she does not like the way the report looks, that it may be suspect."

"Sheldon, we _know_ it's suspect. Penny's a great mother."

"Nora, knowing is one thing. Proving it is another. Tomorrow will be a very stressful day. Do you think Penny will be able to handle it?"

"I'll make sure she can. Jeff said he's ready to bring everyone who works at the club anywhere we need them to be to back us up."

"That's very nice of him but unnecessary at this juncture. I believe that we'll be able to get through this with little conflict beyond that which has already occurred."


	34. The Reunion Ramifications

**34 – The Reunion Ramifications**

_The next morning. 10:00am. A conference room at the Law Offices of Wolowitz, Wolowitz & Wolowitz, Los Angeles._

Penny, Nora, Sheldon and Howard arrived at the office at 9:45am. Sheldon hoped that he would find Amy Farrah Fowler waiting there, but he did not.

"Good morning. I'm Doug Wolowitz and I'll be representing you at any hearings or meetings, Ms. Queen."

"Thank you, Mr. Wolowitz. And thank you Howard for arranging this meeting. I'm not even sure how I'm going to pay you."

"Penny, Jeff said he'd cover it."

Sheldon perked up.

"There's no need. I'll happily cover all expenses."

"Sheldon, I'd prefer you didn't do that."

"Folks, much as I'd love to listen to you debate paying for my services may I remind you that at the moment someone is actually paying to have this debate so I suggest you have it at a later time."

"That's all fine and good, but I want my daughter back."

"And I believe that you will be reunited by the end of the day. We will meet with Director Williams at CPS this afternoon. I suspect that by the time that meeting ends the people feeling uncomfortable will be the ones who filed the report. Now, can we review the situation?"

"The complaint makes a number of charges. Please understand, Ms. Queen, I am not justifying any of them. I merely wish to determine how we will counter them."

"First, Ms. Queen, the complaint says that you are a prostitute and that you received payment from one Dr. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter for sexual favors on this past November 1st."

"That's not true. He paid for a lap dance and _he_ tried to turn it into something more. When I refused he demanded a blowjob as compensation. He was then asked to leave the club. There are witnesses."

Howard coughed.

"Yeah. I was one of the witnesses, Doug. Penny was doing her job. Leonard… Dr. Hofstadter, was completely out of line."

"According to the complaint, Ms. Queen has not arranged for adequate child care for Cyndee."

"That's not true. There's somebody with her twenty-four hours a day."

"I can provide schedules and phone records to confirm that," offered Sheldon.

"Ah, yes. Dr. Cooper. The complaint charges that you pay Ms. Queen's rent in exchange for sexual favors."

"That is patently untrue. You may examine my financial records. I have never paid a single bill of Ms. Queen's. She supports herself. And though we were beginning to get involved in a romantic relationship, we have never had sexual relations. And we are currently not involved with each other at all."

"And this is the most serious charge. That you knowingly brought your three-year-old child to your place of work, a place totally unsuitable for children and exposed her to naked dancers, lascivious behavior, alcohol and drug use. And there are photographs."

"Okay, this was the very first time that Cyndee was at Manny's. Second, I jump through hoops to make sure Cyndee is taken care of. Sheldon and Howard even designed an app to help organize things. That's kind of where it fell apart."

"Doug, and I have the file backup to prove it on this thumb drive, Leonard Hofstadter apparently found out about the app and sabotaged it with a virus. He kept watch on Penny's apartment and knew when a sitter didn't show up. He then sent someone to the club to take the photos."

"Which he used to blackmail me into having sexual relations with him and not seeing or speaking to Dr. Cooper."

"I'm sorry but this guy sounds like a real asshole. How did he get such access?"

"That would be my fault. I believed him to be my best friend. He was also my roommate. And, by happenstance, we reside directly below Ms. Queen."

"It would seem to be an incredible clusterfuck of convenience and coincidence."

The intercom buzzed on Doug Wolowitz's phone.

"Excuse me."

"Apparently there is a Dr. Fowler outside who would like to join us. Is that the same Dr. Fowler whose name is on the complaint?"

"It is. I spoke with Dr. Fowler yesterday. It is my belief that she was misled by Dr. Hofstadter as to the nature of the relationship between Ms. Queen and myself."

"I guess we should bring her in then. I suggest you let me do the talking here as this is technically our adversary."

Amy Farrah Fowler came into the conference room and took a seat.

"May I say something before we begin?"

"Dr. Fowler, are you certain you wish to be here without counsel?"

"I am."

"Then go ahead."

"I wish to apologize for my behavior and my actions. I was provided with false information and based upon that information I undertook certain actions that led to Ms. Queen's child being taken away. I am sorry and would like to help resolve this horrible situation in any way that I can."

"Alright. Why did you do these things?"

"Dr. Leonard Hofstadter contacted me to inform me that my friend Dr. Cooper was being taken advantage of financially and sexually by Ms. Queen."

"Did Dr. Hofstadter provide any proof of this to you?"

"He showed me Dr. Cooper's iCal calendar which had the name Penny all over it."

"And?"

"He told me that she forced Sheldon to provide her with an apartment in his building and organize her child care."

"But he provided no proof of this?"

"No."

"Why did you go along with his plan?"

"Because I didn't believe that Sheldon, Dr. Cooper, could get involved with a person like Ms. Queen, who removed her clothing for money, unless he was being forced to."

"Why was Dr. Hofstadter so concerned?"

"Dr. Hofstadter told me that they all met Ms. Queen at Howard Wolowitz's bachelor party and when he saw what kind of establishment it was he objected and left. He said that when he later discovered Dr. Cooper and Ms. Queen were involved he decided to rescue his friend from her and needed my help to do that."

"Dr. Fowler, would it surprise you to know that Dr. Hofstadter was barred from the club in question after he made inappropriate physical contact with and sexually propositioned Ms. Queen?"

"I have been thusly informed."

"Would you be willing to sign an affidavit affirming the misinformation that Dr. Hofstadter provided to you in order for him to get your assistance in removing Ms. Queen's child from her custody?"

"I would."

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do. My associates and I will take affidavits from Dr. Fowler, Dr. Cooper, Ms. Queen and Howard Wolowitz. Ms. Queen, Dr. Cooper and I will then reconvene this afternoon with Dr. Bernice Williams at the CPS offices. In the meantime I will obtain an Order to Show Cause why Cyndee Queen should not be returned to her mother's custody."

As everyone began to leave Amy Farrah Fowler approached Sheldon.

"Sheldon, I was hoping that we could…"

"Amy Farrah Fowler, I appreciate your assistance in exposing Leonard's machinations. That being said, I see no reason for us to have any further interaction."

"But, Sheldon, I only did what I did out of concern and friendship."

"If you were truly my friend you should have approached me with your concerns. You did not. You assisted Leonard in harming those dearest to me. I will never forgive that. Whether it was out of concern, gullibility or your delusion that you and I are destined for a romantic relationship I simply do not care. I no longer wish you to be part of my life. While I cannot make this decision for the rest of the group I hereby state categorically that you are not welcome in my home or my workplace and I prefer never to see you again. I will not respond to any contact from you. As far as I am concerned you no longer exist."

"But Sheldon…"

"Goodbye Amy Farrah Fowler. Goodbye forever."

After Sheldon went off to join Penny, Nora approached Amy Farrah Fowler.

"Sheldon is a true gentleman and would never strike a woman. I, however, would be more than happy to beat the living shit out of you if I ever, _ever_ see you again. Thank you for your help today and now you can go crawl back under the rock you came from."

_Meanwhile, at the Child Protective Services offices_

Leona Thursby was sitting at her desk doodling on a yellow legal pad while perusing real estate ads on her computer. She had already figured out what she would be spending her raise on and had begun looking for a bigger apartment. Suddenly her phone rang. The director wanted to see her. A big smile broke out on her face. Things were moving faster than she thought they would. The director was going to promote her one day after she removed that poor little girl from her prostitute mother's clutches.

Leona walked into Director Williams' office. The director did not look as happy as she should have.

"Sit."

"Alright."

"I've reviewed the Queen file and I have some questions."

"Fine."

"First, how long has this investigation been underway?"

"Well, there wasn't exactly an investigation. It seemed to me like an emergency situation."

"Based on?"

"There were photographs of the child in a strip club."

"Which you received?"

"Two days ago."

"According to the time stamps the photographs are over three weeks old. Why did you feel the need to immediately remove the child without a formal investigation?"

"The photographs were brought in by well-respected academics who were concerned…"

"And their relationship to the child in question?"

"One is a neighbor and the other is a colleague of his."

"And the reason you believed them and didn't bother questioning the mother or other neighbors."

"I was taking the initiative to advocate in favor of the child."

"And by "initiative" you mean ignored all procedures."

"It was my judgment that this was an emergency."

"Ms. Thursby, you do understand that your "judgment" is the reason that you are still a case worker while all of your contemporaries have advanced?"

"Excuse me?"

"The only reason you have a job at all is because the paperwork required to remove you without cause is onerous and time consuming. If I were able to transfer you to the cleaning staff I would but I'm concerned you may not be qualified for even that."

"Excuse me. I see no reason to insult me for doing my job well. I have a good mind to file a complaint."

"You'll be able to discuss that at your disciplinary hearing. It is my belief that you removed that child from her home not out of concern for her well-being but in an effort to make an impression and receive a promotion. Had you done even a bit of the investigatory work required you would have discovered that the complainants had an agenda and most likely filed a false report. Your actions have threatened the very good work this department does. It is now my responsibility to make things right and pray that you have not traumatized that poor child. You are hereby suspended without pay. If I have my way you will never work in this capacity again. You might as well pack up your desk. You won't be coming back to this office as long as I'm here."

_That afternoon at the CPS offices._

Penny and Sheldon arrived the CPS offices accompanied by Doug Wolowitz and were ushered directly into Director Williams' office.

Dr. Bernice Williams stood as they entered. Before Doug Wolowitz even had a chance to say "hello" Dr. Williams began to speak.

"I have examined the affidavits Mr. Wolowitz sent over and also reviewed our files for any complaints against Ms. Queen over the years. There were none. I further took it upon myself to review any complaints of any kind against the owners, management and employees of Manny's and found that except for those situations that would normally occur at any place of business I can find no evidence of any illicit activity taking place there. I don't know why she did but our inspector believed a fraudulent complaint filed by a man who clearly had an agenda of some kind and a vendetta against Ms. Queen and Dr. Cooper and the club."

"Ms. Queen, I most sincerely apologize for your daughter being removed from your custody and your home. From what I can see you have done an exemplary job of caring for her. While what you do to earn a living is a bit unusual it is not for me or my department to judge since the evidence provided shows that you go to extraordinary, possibly unnecessary, lengths to keep Cyndee away from your workplace and that the only reason she did end up being photographed there was because someone with nefarious intentions forced the situation."

"Thank you for the apology but how does that get Cyndee back to me."

"Cyndee is being brought here right now. She should be here by the time this meeting ends. Additionally the inspector who took her from you has been suspended without pay pending a disciplinary hearing."

"I suspect that you have some paperwork to be signed."

"Mr. Wolowitz is correct. We would appreciate it if you would sign a release indemnifying the department, the city and the state from any lawsuits related to removing Cyndee from your custody. In exchange I will appear on your behalf in any proceedings you bring against our soon-to-be-former employee, Dr. Hofstadter or Dr. Fowler."

"Thank you, Dr. Williams. I'll discuss it with my client. And if she approves it will all be pending a medical examination of Cyndee Queen once she is returned to her mother's custody."

"Agreed."

Dr. Williams office door opened and Cyndee ran in.

"Mommy!"

Penny picked her up and hugged her tightly. Cyndee looked around and saw Sheldon.

"Moopie!"

"Hello Cyndee. It's very nice to see you."

"Why you not around to play with me?"

"I'm sorry for that. I'll be around to play as soon as mommy says it's alright."

"Sheldon, we should talk."

"Alright, Penny. At your convenience."

"I think maybe as soon as we get home."

"That would be acceptable."

"Dr. Williams, I believe we are done here for now. Have the paperwork sent to my offices. If there are no issues you'll have them back with the appropriate signatures in a few days. Thank you for the quick resolution."

"Thank you, Mr. Wolowitz. And Ms. Queen and Dr. Cooper, I can see that the two of you care deeply for one another. Don't let the actions of a very little man impede your happiness."

After they left the CPS offices Doug turned and spoke to Penny and Sheldon.

"Well, as promised, you have Cyndee back. Of course having an in with the director doesn't hurt."

"Thank you for that, Sheldon. And please thank your boss."

"I shall. However, though we have reunited you and Cyndee, our work is not yet done."

"True. I am prepared to file a lawsuit against Dr. Hofstadter. Penny, the police may wish to speak with you about all this."

"Doug, I wonder if we should hold all of this in abeyance for the moment. Dr. Hofstadter is planning to bring me before a disciplinary committee at the university for my assault upon his person. We may require some ammunition to make the hearing and him go away."

"The papers are being drawn up and we can sit on them as long as you like."

"Penny, with your permission, I will show your affidavit and Dr. Fowler's to my contacts at the Pasadena Police Department to determine whether any charges can be brought against Dr. Hofstadter. At the same time I will file for an Order of Protection so that Hofstadter and Fowler cannot approach you or Cyndee. I understand that Dr. Fowler helped us but she also colluded with Hofstadter and it's better to make sure you two remain safe from them."

"Thank you, Doug. I appreciate everything you're doing. Right now I just want to get my daughter safely to her home."

"Alright. Dr. Cooper, will you require representation at your hearing?"

"If I find that I do you will certainly hear from me. You have done an exemplary job on very short notice."

"Thank you."


	35. The Romantic Revelation

_A/N: We're closing in on the conclusion to this tale and the final chapter will likely go up either later today or sometime tomorrow (unless another site problem comes up)_

_._

**35 – The Romantic Revelation**

Penny drove herself, Sheldon and Cyndee back to 2311 North Los Robles. Penny carried a sleeping Cyndee while Sheldon carried Cyndee's suitcase. On the way in Penny noticed her suitcases were still by the mailboxes. Sheldon noticed her looking over at them.

When they got to the fifth floor Sheldon turned to Penny.

"Penny, I'll bring those suitcases up from the lobby right away."

"Sheldon, you really don't need to."

"I want to."

"Take your time. Let me put her to bed and then come on up. We need to talk. About a lot of stuff."

"Alright."

A half-hour later Sheldon brought the suitcases up and knocked on Penny's door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Penny._

"Hi, sweetie. Come on in."

"Penny…"

"Sheldon, I need to start. I am so, so sorry for how I've treated you. First I blamed you for the app failing and now we know that wasn't even your fault. Then Leonard wouldn't let me speak to you and I was so scared I didn't even try. And then you saw me with him at the gala and I can't even imagine how you felt and what you must have thought of me. And even after all that you drop everything to help me get Cyndee back. What did I do to deserve such a loyal friend?"

"You were you. You're Penny and that is all you ever have to be for me. I've missed you both so much. I know you don't like the word but I've never felt like this about anyone ever. I love you Penny. I would do anything for you. And for Cyndee. And I hope that maybe you'll love me someday. And if you don't, that's okay. I will satisfy myself being your friend."

"I know I said I wasn't ready to use the "L" word and maybe part of that is when I used it before I didn't really know what it meant. But I do know that the way I feel about you is something I've never felt before either. I really, really want us to figure this out. I think I want us to be together. I just need to get past what happened with Leonard."

"I believe that between the two of us we can work this out. After all, you are reasonably smart and I'm a genius. And if we need to involve professionals such as therapists we will do that. If the two of us can't work this out then nobody can. I propose we reset everything to where it was before I went to San Francisco. Howard has repaired the app. All elements related to Leonard have been removed."

"Sheldon, that's all fine, but you need to understand that it may take some time until I'm comfortable again having a physical relationship, but I know that eventually that's what I'll want. You've always been okay with kissing but enjoyable as that is, it's probably not enough for me. Can you see yourself doing that?"

"If that is what is necessary to make our relationship work than I will do it."

"Sheldon, you're making it sound like a distasteful obligation. I hope it will be anything but that."

"I trust that you will be able to educate me in that area. I look forward to it."

"Sheldon, what are you going to do about Leonard?"

"Doug has spoken with the police and they will serve him with Orders of Protection. They will also question him about his taking advantage of you sexually and charges may be brought against him. Some would call that rape. However, my primary objective is to remove him from our lives and I have a thought about that."

"So what now?"

"Well, it's been twenty-three days since we've kissed. And longer since I've seen you dance."

"Let's start with the kissing."


	36. The Turnabout Invocation

**36 – The Turnabout Invocation**

When Sheldon got back to his apartment he placed a call to Dr. Gabelhauser. He was sure that Gabelhauser would want to know what was happening.

"Dr. Cooper, how did things go today?"

"Cyndee is back home with Penny."

Sheldon heard Gablehauser whisper something followed by a sound of approval. He concluded that his department head was with his wife and he had shared the news with her.

"Please inform Mrs. Gabelhauser that her friend was very helpful and that the complaint against Penny has been eliminated."

"That is very good news, Dr. Cooper. Now we have but one problem to deal with."

"I have an idea about that. I suspect that since he no longer resides with me and since Dr. Fowler decided to submit an affidavit on our behalf that Dr. Hofstadter is not yet aware that his machinations regarding Penny have fallen apart. He is, according to reports, cockily walking about campus with a big grin still plastered on his face?"

"He is."

"I believe that if we were to go on the offensive regarding his behavior over the years and recently that we would catch him unawares."

"What do you suggest?"

Sheldon related his plan.


	37. The Extraction Exposition

**37 – The Extraction Exposition**

Leonard Hofstadter was still wearing a bandage on his forehead. He really didn't need to but he considered it a badge of honor. The beating he suffered and Sheldon Cooper's anticipated firing would soon allow him to rise in the academic ranks at CalTech and possibly even get tenure. He imagined generations of female grad students worshipping at his feet and more. And at the same time it would end the career of Sheldon Cooper. He looked forward to the disciplinary hearing. He was a little surprised when he received an email from Dr. Gabelhauser asking him to attend a meeting in his office.

Leonard walked into Gabelhauser's office and looked around. Seated were Gabelhauser, President Seibert, the Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Sheldon Cooper, Alex Jensen, Penny Queen and a man Leonard didn't recognize.

"What's going on?"

"Please have a seat Dr. Hofstadter."

"Dr. Gabelhauser, why are these people here?"

"These people all have a vested interest in the outcome of this meeting. Now, please understand, this is not a hearing. This is an informal meeting among colleagues."

"Alright? But some of these people don't even work here."

"They all have something to contribute. As will become evident as the meeting progresses, Dr. Hofstadter, recent events have given us cause to seriously reconsider your career at CalTech."

Leonard grinned.

"The Board of Trustees at CalTech would like to offer you, Dr. Leonard Leakey Hofstadter…"

Leonard was thinking, "Here comes the big payoff."

"…the opportunity to resign your position."

"Um, what?"

"We'd appreciate your resignation."

"_My resignation!_ He's the one who attacked me."

"Yes that was unfortunate. Dr. Cooper will be suspended for a week without pay and he is required to apologize to you. Dr. Cooper?"

"Dr. Hofstadter, I apologize for attacking you in the cafeteria where there were witnesses."

"See, Dr. Hofstadter, the matter is now closed. Now on to more serious matters. We have a series of affidavits and charges regarding your behavior."

"My behavior?"

"Yes. There are some older matters. Let's dispense with those first."

"All right."

"Dr. Hofstadter, did you remove experimental rocket fuel from your lab in order to show it to one Joyce Kim, later revealed to be a North Korean intelligence agent."

"No. I would never do such a thing."

"I have affidavits from Dr. Cooper, Dr. Koothrapali and Mr. Wolowitz claiming that you not only did but that you created a situation whereby the fuel could have ignited killing those nearby."

"They're all lying. I'm the only one telling the truth."

"Alright. Moving on. Did you tamper with the results of Dr. Cooper's experiments in the Arctic, causing him significant embarrassment and impeding progress in his work?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Mr. Wolowitz and Dr. Koothrapali claim it was your idea to do that because you were uncomfortable with his leadership of the expedition."

"Well, they're lying to protect Dr. Cooper."

"Did you demand that Dr. Cooper fire his grad student assistant, Alex Jensen, when she refused you sexual favors?"

"It was the other way around. She came on to me."

"Okay. Dr. Hofstadter, we are also concerned with how our faculty interacts with the public. Did you sabotage an app Mr. Wolowitz and Dr. Cooper designed to aid Ms. Queen with her child care?"

"Absolutely not."

"We have an affidavit from a Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, affirming that you told her that you planned to do that very thing in order to photograph Ms. Queen's daughter in distressing circumstances."

"She had her own child brought to a strip club. Child Protective Services took her away, as they should have."

"Actually, Dr. Hofstadter, Cyndee Queen has been returned to her mother, a woman you took advantage of for your own purposes."

"You can't prove I did any of those things."

"Actually we can prove quite a bit and there are also a number of other mishaps that seem to point back to you. Our current female grad students and doctoral candidates have provided details on a number of incidents and we are considering contacting any former students who had dealings with you. Furthermore, we have determined that none of our faculty wishes to work with you any longer. They don't trust you."

"What do you propose?"

"We were thinking that we'd give you one last chance to prove yourself to be of some value to the university. We have a research project you may wish to explore."

"What is it?"

"Well, since you seem to prefer proving or disproving the theories of others rather than doing original work we have a project that requires someone of your abilities."

"Okay?"

"Working with his original, non-tampered-with results, Dr. Cooper has been able to reach some interesting conclusions. Since you were a member of the original expedition we would like you to return to the Arctic and re-run his experiments to confirm his results."

"Will I be able to choose my own team?"

"You misunderstand, Dr. Hofstadter. You and you alone would go to the Arctic, probably for a year or more. We want to be certain the results are correct so you will need to re-run the experiments several times. You would be reporting to Dr. Cooper weekly via Skype. In order to maintain the integrity of the experiment, Dr. Cooper will be the only person you will be in contact with."

"So you're saying that I would be by myself for a year and the only person I could speak to is him?"

"Yes."

"But after I return everything goes back to how it was?"

"We didn't say that. When you return your contract will have expired. It will not be renewed."

"Then why should I go?"

"You probably shouldn't. But then you'll need to resign or we will terminate you."

"Why would I resign?"

"As I said, nobody wishes to work with you and we no longer wish to expose the university community to a person such as you. Additionally, when we reported our concerns about you to the Department of Homeland Security they suspended your funding. We're forced to shut down your lab until we have someone in place that can run it properly."

"I'm going to fight you on this. You'll be hearing from my attorneys."

"We will consider allowing you to maintain an office until termination can be arranged or your contract expires. There is a storeroom in the basement that can be adapted to serve that purpose. Once there you may check your email, change Wikipedia entries or play Words with Friends, if you have any. Of course we'd need to wire that office for computer access and that could take a while, possibly as long as a year. In the meantime we actually don't care what you do. We suggest you look for another job. Perhaps teaching junior high school. And The Cheesecake Factory is hiring. However, you will not represent this university in any way and you will not work with the faculty, staff, grad students or undergraduates. Additionally I believe you may be kept quite busy with a civil lawsuit that Ms. Queen, Dr. Cooper and her attorney will be filing against you and I believe the Pasadena Police Department has some questions for you."

"So you've all just decided to gang up against me?"

Sheldon stood up form his seat and walked over to Leonard and faced him.

"Actually, Leonard, we never plotted against you. You, however, plotted against me, and Penny and her daughter, Cyndee, and my assistant Alex Jensen. And none of us had ever done anything to you. In fact I thought you were my best friend. What is happening here is that your own actions over several years are actually coming back at you. The person responsible for every bad thing that is about to befall you is you."

"You don't even know what you did to me, Sheldon. You are so damn smart that you don't know how things really work in the real world. Penny was mine. You were there at the club when I called dibs. According to all the rules, once I called dibs she was mine. And you just ignored that. And you knew it was wrong. That was why you snuck around."

The man that Leonard did not recognize spoke up.

"Excuse me, Dr. Hofstadter, but as Ms. Queen's attorney I must point out that "dibs" is not a legal concept that I have any experience with. I am fairly certain that Ms. Queen has never been your property. Or anyone's."

"Then you don't understand how things really work either."

"Leonard, I have done some minor research in this area myself, since you seem to find it critical in your interpersonal interactions with women. "Dibs" is a term used to denote a claim to minor, insignificant items of property, often by children or adolescents. For you to assume that your declaration of "dibs" on Penny, a person you did not know and who's first action upon meeting you was to reject your advances shows a rank immaturity on your part."

"Yeah, well, I fucked her and you've barely kissed her."

Sheldon looked around, seemingly looking for permission to do something.

Penny stood up, walked over to Leonard, punched him in the face and kneed him in the groin. He fell to the floor, writhing in pain and Penny kicked him in the groin a couple more times.

Penny turned around, smiled and said "Whoops, I tripped."

Dr. Gabelhauser said, "That's what I saw. Anybody see anything different?"

Nobody stepped up.

Sheldon then looked toward his assistant. Alex rose, walked over to the writhing Leonard Hofstadter, got down on the floor, grabbed him by the collar, spit in his face and let go.

"Dr. Hofstadter, I'll expect your decision in the morning and please don't get any blood on my carpet. And by the way, there are representatives of the Pasadena Police Department waiting outside my office to speak with you. You may wish to contact your attorney, if you have one."

Turning to the rest of the group, Gabelhauser said, "Now I understand that there's a special dinner taking place at Manny's."

"Yup. The club is closed tonight for a private celebration. No nudity. Just a nice dinner to thank you all for your help and to celebrate Cyndee coming home. And, according to CPS, as long as she isn't actually exposed to anything illicit, Cyndee can be there too."

Leonard Hofstadter remained writhing on the office floor as everyone left. And then the Pasadena Police came in and removed him. As he was led out of the office in handcuffs female graduate students gathered and cheered.


	38. The Everlasting Epilogue

**38 – The Everlasting Epilogue**

_Six months later_

Leonard Hofstadter's contract ended up being terminated immediately for a violation of its morals clause after the police charged him with attempted rape and blackmail. Amy Farrah Fowler testified against him and shortly thereafter relocated to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. He was still serving time in jail and he came to fear hearing the word "dibs".

Alex Jensen had returned from Iowa to her job with Sheldon temporarily. She had made so much progress on her dissertation that she submitted and defended it shortly after her return and it was accepted. True to his word Sheldon made sure that Alex joined the faculty. Even though it wasn't their specialty, Alex and Sheldon were asked to temporarily supervise the laser research that had been Leonard's area of expertise. Alex also replaced Leonard at the daily lunch in the cafeteria and Sheldon invited her to participate in other group activities. It was at one of those activities she met someone and fell in love.

Penny was hard at work on her Master's Degree. She cut back a little on her dancing. Jeff decided to give the club a comic-book theme and asked Penny to help change the direction of the entertainment from individual dancers doing their thing to revues that told stories, though the dancers still ended up naked. Penny was in charge of choreography and Nora, oddly enough, was in charge of the costumes. Jeff completely redecorated the club in bright comic-book colors. They club was busier than ever and Jeff even started getting offers to franchise.

Sheldon continued with his work. He still had a great deal to do before he would be awarded the Nobel Prize he'd always desired but he had gained some perspective. He made sure that he had free time every day and spent as much of it as he could with Penny and/or Cyndee. He still walked Penny home from the club whenever she worked and he got to see every new dance she created before anyone else. And he continued to read stories to Cyndee at bedtime.

Unbelievably, Raj and Leilah's Thanksgiving hookup never ended and they were still together. For some reason they were very comfortable spending long periods in each other's company in complete silence. Leilah kept telling the others that all she needed to do was look into Raj's eyes and she knew exactly what he wanted to say to her.

After Penny, Sheldon regarded Howard Wolowitz as his best friend and Sheldon encouraged him to pursue a doctorate, which he did.

Everyone was gathering together at Sheldon's apartment for Cyndee's fourth birthday party. It had been a long day. The afternoon was dedicated to Cyndee and all of her pre-school friends and their party at The Cheesecake Factory. After the festivities Penny brought Cyndee home and put her down for a nap. Her adult friends wanted to throw her a party too and Penny wanted to make sure she wasn't too tired and cranky.

Sheldon went all out. He decorated his apartment like it was a princess's castle. He set up his model trains and populated them with lots of Cyndee's favorite characters. He had a special cake made that looked like a castle and he had purchased matching pink princess gowns for Cyndee and Penny.

The guests were also supposed to dress appropriately.

Guests began showing up around six. Penny and Cyndee made their entrance shortly thereafter looking beautiful in the princess gowns Sheldon had gotten them.

"Moonpie!"

"Happy Birthday, Cyndee! Are you enjoying your day?"

"I had a party and cheesecake and saw all my friends and now I'm a princess!"

"Yes you are, little darlin'. You're my princess."

"I thought I was your princess, Sheldon."

"Penny, you are my queen!"

Penny gave Sheldon a big kiss and then proceeded to mingle. She walked over to Nora, who was speaking with Alex, and gave her a hug.

"Hi, sweetie. Thanks for coming."

"How could I possibly miss this? Can you believe things are so, so different from just a few months ago? The club is doing great business, which means we're all making lots more money. Jeff and Weldon gave us all part ownership so if this franchise deal goes through we wouldn't ever need to dance again."

"Nora, you'd actually quit?"

"Not a chance. I just like the idea that I'll be dancing because I want to and when I want to. I want to spend as much time as I can with my sweetie."

"So you like dating a theoretical physicist?"

"What's not to like?"

Alex moved a little closer to Nora and squeezed her hand.

"Funny how everyone Leonard Hofstadter got his mitts on ended up finding true love after he was out of the picture."

Sheldon joined them.

"I prefer to think that we all ended up exactly where we needed to be. However, despite the upset he caused her, I am very glad that I found Penny crying in that alley."

"Me too, Moonpie. Me too."

"Shall we share our news, Penny?"

"Might as well. All of our friends are here."

"Alright then."

"Friends, we have some news to share with you. Penny and I have decided to make a change in our living paradigm. I have decided to sublet my apartment to Alex and Nora and move upstairs to reside with Penny and Cyndee in anticipation of a formalization of our relationship on November 1st, the anniversary of the day we met. Cyndee would like to say something. Cyndee?"

"Mommy and Moonpie are getting married!"

_A/N: So that's it. Hope you liked it. I appreciate you joining me for this ride and I'm sorry I kinda put our beloved characters and you through an emotional ringer. Thanks for the favorites, follows, the reviews, the suggestions and your appreciation. Now that you've read the entire story I'd love to hear what you thought._

_Now I need to get down to work on my other AU tale and finish that up. I've gotten a sense that folks would like to see Nora the cop again and so would I. That story picks up about a month after The Non-Coincident Theorem. I also have a one-shot that will be coming your way pretty soon, maybe even tomorrow. It's a conversation between Penny and Leonard that takes place during the current season, a conversation that we probably won't ever see but it's about something that Leonard did that I thought was reprehensible and that Penny, as far as I can tell, doesn't know about. _

_And here's hoping that The Powers That Be at The Big Bang Theory HQ have something in mind after showing how much of an asshat Leonard is in almost every episode during Season 7. I don't think I'll ever understand how Penny can keep forgiving his behavior._


End file.
